How to Cope on Father's Day (For Estranged Fathers)

Tragically, thousands of men are estranged from their families. It's Father's Day, but your child doesn't write, call, or visit. How do you cope?

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Standard paternal resources.

1. WRITE your child a loving note and mail it off. Although it may be painful to write and painful if unanswered, you'll be doing something that's nevertheless constructive and may help to bridge the gap between you and your child.

2. START A BOOK of letters for your child, and collect them until they form a volume. Then even if for years your rift is too great for contact, one day the child will see that you'd been thinking of him or her on a regular basis over a long period of time. This can be quite healing in the big scheme of things.

3. PHONE your child if possible. This can be difficult as well, but why not "be the man" and also the parent and try to overcome your mixed emotions, allowing some form of healing potentially to begin?

4. ADOPT a child who has lost a father and needs one. You don't have to do this "legally," of course: you can simply be a comfort to a child who has lost a parent on a day when thoughts of their own loss will surely be present-to-mind.

5. HANG OUT with other estranged fathers. Watch a game together, barbecue, and discuss strategies for improving relations with your children. Worse case scenario, you can go out and buy each other ties. (I'm guessing you'd do this solo, beforehand.)

Tips & Warnings

• Remember that time is the great healer.
• Getting drunk and phoning your child is probably the worst thing you can do. Getting drunk and then NOT calling your child is probably the second worst thing you could do.

[zpadmore]

on 10/20/2009 You can reshape this article into something similiar for the holiday seasons. That will be the time for a great feature.

I really like #5. Men speaking to men about strengthening their relationships with their children is healing.

I don't know about #4. Children of estranged fathers would be devastated to know they parented another child before connecting with them.

[motherNN]

on 10/11/2008 An often skipped-over topic. Good article!

[MIghtyDreamer]

on 7/9/2008 No. 2 sounds like it could be great therapy for both the child(ren) and father. Good idea. 4 is a wonderful idea, if there is especially just no way in with your own and #5 is just so touching, but certainly add to sharing and getting love. Inspiring article

[SaraClair]

on 7/4/2008 These are some very good ideas!

[junkmale]

on 6/14/2008 These are all great suggestions in bridging the gap with an estranged child. I don't even have kids yet and I'm going to start following these soothing dictums.