How to Use Rewards to Encourage Positive Behavior

Parents often wait until a child is doing something they disagree with to address a negative behavior. However, parents may inadvertently be reinforcing the negative behavior by giving the child attention for doing something wrong.Here are some simple steps that any parent can use to change the way they currently handle behavior problems, turning the negatives into positives, with lasting rewards.

Instructions

Decide

1. Decide what behaviors you want to see your child exhibiting. Rather than focusing on the negative: "I want my child to stop hitting", focus on the positive: "I want my child to learn to talk things out, rather than to hit or hurt someone else when she is angry." Or "I want my child to use his indoor voice when he is inside" rather than "I want my child to stop screaming all of the time."

2. Make a list of all of the positive behaviors you want your child to adopt. Don't worry if the list seems extremely long at first.

3. Decide which of the behaviors on your list is the most important to you, and to your child's positive development. Select just one behavior to start with. You can add another once you have incorporated the first.

4. Tell your child what behavior you want to see him using. Example: "Instead of shouting at me when you are angry, I want you to tell me why you are angry, in a calm tone of voice."

5. Inform your child that every time you see her doing the positive behavior she will receive a special star. Let her know that when she gets a set number of stars, she can have a reward. Rewards do not have to be expensive or elaborate. You can decide what kind of rewards are appropriate, based on what you can afford, as well as what you know your child will appreciate.

6. Decide how many stars your child will need to earn to receive the reward. In the beginning you should set a low number, in order to keep your child focused. Examples can be "five stars equals one ice cream cone" or "five stars equals lunch at McDonald's with Mom, or Dad."

7. Write down the behavior you are trying to encourage in your child on a piece of paper or a poster board. The paper should be titled something such as: Tim's stars for (insert the behavior you want to see here.) Display the paper on the refrigerator, pin it up on the living room wall or place it in another location where your child will see it often.

8. Praise your child every single time he exhibits the positive behavior you are encouraging. "Wow, you did a great job! Let's go put a star on your paper" or "Excellent, I'm so proud of you! I think you deserve a star." As your child begins to learn and practice the behavior, you can stretch the rewards farther, by requiring more stars to earn them. After you feel your child has mastered the first behavior you can add a second, and when she has mastered that, a third. By handling behavior problems in a way that focuses on the positive, rather than the negative, you will teach your child that he can receive positive attention, and you will be encouraging positive behavior.