How to Teach Your Adolescent About Choices and Consequences

Many children, by the time they become teens and young adults cannot conceptualize that there are consequences, either good or bad, for every action they take. Without understanding consequences children have a greater tendency to act out and get in trouble in school, to end up in the juvenile justice system, to feel they should be able to do anything they want and get by with it, and to create havoc at home. Learning about choices and consequences should begin in the home as a toddler or preschooler.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Sit down with your adolescent and talk to them about choices and how the choices they make will have either good or bad consequences whether those choices are at home, school, or in the community. Explain to your child that you will be giving consequences for behaviors and actions at home to prepare them for making good choices as adults.

2. Set time lines and parameters for the completion of chores and other tasks. When your child misbehaves or fails to complete a task at home determine a punishment that is appropriate for the offense without being too harsh. Let your child know that they can choose to do as they are asked and behave in a positive manner or they choose not to what they are supposed to do and have bad consequences imposed.

3. Reward your child for good choices with a special treat. This might be renting a family or children's movie your child would like, a trip to the ice cream parlor, skating, or something else your child would like.

4. Use the good and bad consequences to illustrate the result of both good and bad choices. Use choices and consequences when you talk to your older adolescent about smoking, drugs, premarital sex, and other moral values.

5. If your child gets in trouble in school, whether it is for misbehaving, being cruel to, or calling other children names, acting out in class, etc. set consequences at home on top of the consequences set by the teacher or principal at school. This lets your child know that you will not accept poor choices at school and explain how poor choices can have a ripple effect.

6. If your child is a teen the consequences for poor choices will need to be different. Consequences for driving violations like getting a ticket, driving under the influence, not going where they are supposed to be, or not coming home on time should be related to driving like suspending car and driving privileges or suspending weekend outings or dating, for example

7. Never give your child money as a consequence for good choices. A monetary reward only serves to teach children that they should get paid for being good. Being good should be an expectation not a job.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember to make consequences for poor behavior or actions fit the behavior and not punish to harshly. This is about teaching your child about choices and consequences.

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