How to Understand Passive Aggressive Men

A passive aggressive man can be difficult to understand. Dealing with his self centeredness can be even harder. First you have to take a good hard look at him and see his behavior for what it is.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Instructions ON Understanding Passive Aggressive Men

1. Realize that your man is passive aggressive. If he manages to manipulate you into feeling guilty all the time without ever appearing angry, or if he lies blatantly and without guilt, he is being passive aggressive.

2. Understand that he knows exactly what he is doing. It’s not like his behavior leads to him always getting his own way purely by accident. No, he’s aware of his actions, he just has never had to deal with the consequences!

3. Look at his past and you will probably see situations where the only control he was able to get came from carefully manipulating people while appearing to be an innocent bystander.

4. Acknowledge that you may not be able to change him. His tactics worked with his mother, his past girlfriends and you, at least for a while. Why should he stop using a method that so obviously pays off?

5. Draw a line when you’ve had enough. Communicate using sentences that start with “I” and clearly state your position. Expect some resistance, but stick to your guns; passive aggressive behavior is learned behavior, and if he is going to unlearn it you will have to refrain from enabling him

Tips & Warnings

• Agree on a code phrase you can use when he relapses, so he can try to stop before it gets out of hand. A funny one is great; you can break the tenseness of the moment by yelling “Great Scott! It’s an avocado!” Laughter can defuse even the most awkward situation.
• Passive Aggressive behavior can sometime turn to just plain old aggression if lifelong patterns are disturbed, so proceed with caution.