How to Begin Dating as a Single Mother
When you've been out of the dating scene it's normal to feel shaky at the thought of dating again. Romance and relationships are mysterious territory that even the most confident single moms sometimes dread. Putting a toe in the dating pool is enough to give any self-respecting mom the chills. After all, you've put your own needs on the back burner in order to focus on the needs of your little darlings for so long that you're out of practice. You're a beginner again longing for adult conversation and a little companionship. You've decided to take the plunge. Here are 10 ways to jump back into dating waters.
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Instructions
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1
Adjust Your Mind-Set.
Regardless of what your single girlfriends tell you about no good men out there, don't believe it and don't repeat it. Override your cynical self with a positive affirmation such as, "There are lots of good men to meet." If you say this long enough, not only will you begin to believe that it's true, you will also reflect a positive attitude, which is very attractive to men. -
2
View Dating as a Journey, Not a Destination.
Get over the idea that the man you are dating must be the "love of your life." Dating is not about finding your soul mate immediately. Dating is an opportunity to meet new men, make new friends and learn about yourself in the process. Dating is the process of learning about all of the possible choices so that you can eventually make a match that fits for you. -
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3
Play the Field for a Year.
Practice. Practice. Practice. You don't have to date every night, but you do need to experience a variety of men. Date many different types of men. Date a man younger, older, funny, intellectual. Talk and hang out with men. Get comfortable being around men. Being single and dating is not a curse, but an opportunity to create a circle of men friends. -
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Flirt, Smile, Make Eye Contact, Say Hello.
It's true that most people wish that more people would approach them more often. Contrary to what you might have thought, men need lots of encouragement too. If you're interested in him, chances are he is interested in you. Encourage him by smiling, making friendly small talk and giving out your number. -
5
Suggest an Activity.
Sitting across the table having a conversation with someone you just met is nerve racking, especially if it turns out that there is no chemistry between the two of you. Make the first date based on an activity such as a walk or a bike ride. This way if you have nothing to talk about at least you will get some exercise and the date won't be as awkward. -
6
Keep the Kids Out of It.
Do not introduce the kids to every guy you date. Dating does not mean bringing the guy home. Meet your dates somewhere other than your place. Deserting your children for a hot and heavy romance is bad parenting. -
7
Censor Yourself.
Do not share emotional baggage right off the bat. Don't cry or complain about your ex. Don't ask about his ex. First dates are not appropriate for deep soul sharing. Heal your emotional wounds first. If you share your wounds you come across as needy. You want to be a healthy woman with lots to offer. -
8
Ask Questions and Show Interest.
Everyone likes to talk about themselves, and men need help getting the conversation started. Ask about his job, his hobbies, his opinions. By the way, if you're doing all the listening and he doesn't pay any attention to you, decline the second date. -
9
Speak Up About Your Preferences.
You are not out to please your date, although you certainly need to be kind, honest and thoughtful. Dating is also an opportunity to speak up about what you like to do. Nothing turns a man off like a women who says, "Whatever you want" when he asks her about her preferences. Dating is practice in the art of truthful relating. -
10
Go Out Alone.
Find one activity that you are willing to do alone. Sit at a coffee shop, take a class, go to dinner. Going out to dinner alone means you're hungry, not a loser. Men are more likely to approach you when you are alone than if you are in the middle of a circle of friends.
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Tips & Warnings
Self-acceptance is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Statistics about singleness are only numbers on paper.
Check out my book: "Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent" (see Resources below).
Dates with your friends' ex's are a no-no.
An affair with a married person is a lonesome affair, and hardly ever worth it.
