How to Be a Step-Grandparent

Extended families are very common these days. Many households have step children and half brothers and sisters in them. Many new marriages also bring new children into the family group. While some of your sons and daughters have given you biological grandchildren, what happens if one of your sons or daughters marry someone who already has children and they become instant parents? You also just became an instant grandparent to some new children. It's probably a little strange for all of you, especially the children. Try a few of these tips, and you'll soon feel like you've had these grandchildren all of their lives.

Instructions

How To Be a Step-Grandparent

1. Get to know the children. They may be shy or bashful, or down right resentful of their new parent and family. Take some time to figure out exactly how these new children or child is dealing with his new situation. If it is your son who has married someone with children, chances are the kids will be living with them permenantly. If it is your daughter who has become an instant step mother, then you may not be spending as much time with the children, as they may be living with their mother. If you are a close family, the new children may be around as much as your biological grandchildren, and you will all get used to each other quicker.

2. Make them feel like part of the family. If it has been customary for your other grandchildren to come visit on certain days, make sure you realize that the numbers have just increased, and be prepared to accommodate them all. Ask when these children's birthdays are and write it down if necessary. Ask what some of their favorite foods are, as well as if there are any allergies, severe dislikes, or medical conditions to be aware of. It's fair that grandparents know these things.

3. Treat the new children the same as you treat your biological grandchildren. This goes for both the fun stuff and the behavior. If you expect all your other grandchildren to behave a certain way in your home, expect the same of your new grandchildren. Let them know your rules firmly but gently. They may resent you telling them what to do at first, but then they will come to appreciate being treated like all the other grandkids. Do not insist they call you Grandma or Grandpa, but let them decide on that. Chances are after hearing all of the other grandchildren calling you that, the new children will follow suit.

4. Don't ever show favoritism to any of your grandchildren. This rule should stand for any child at anytime, but especially in this case. Children will quickly determine that you like your "real" grand-kids better, and this can lead to extremely hurt feelings, both with the children and with your son or daughter. When your son or daughter married, they married the children as well, and probably do look at it like these are their kids, just as much as if they were biological.

5. Competition may in fact set in. If you attend a school function for one child, make sure you try to attend for all of the children if possible. When you shop for gifts, be sure everyone's gift is equally proportioned as far as which grandchild gets what. Children are much more aware than we'd like to believe. Kids notice if someone gets more attention than they do, and that can leave that child very hurt, upset and confused. The act can be totally unintentional on your part, but the child will still feel slighted.

6. Don't go overboard trying to be the child's grandparent either, especially, if the child already has a good relationship with their biological grandparents. This too can lead to resentment in the other set of grandparents. Extended families can be a lot of hard work to build a good relationship, but they can also be a wonderful rewarding experience.

7. Do what grandparents do naturally, love all of your grandchildren and spoil them just a little bit. Spend special quality time with each and every one of them. Know each grandchild's personality and love that little person for who they are and they will love you back and think you are a terrific grandparent.