How to Muffle a Fart

What is worse than the urge to fart in a public place? Loudly farting in a quiet public place is worse. Of course everyone farts, but for some reason it is still taboo in society. While it is also considered rude to burp in public, it is not humiliating to do so. What is the difference? Perhaps burps seem better than farts because they come out of your mouth instead of your rear. Maybe farts are worse because they can have an awful stench. Whatever the reason, muffling your fart in public is a skill everyone should hone. Although everyone farts, everyone should also be able to hide that fact. You may not be able to hide the smell, but you will be able to muffle your fart after reading this article.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• soft, cushiony chair

1. Sit down immediately. When you first feel the urge to fart, find the softest, cushiest couch and sit your bottom down. If the fart noises ends up being loud, the cushion will do a lot to muffle it.

2. Lean to one side inconspicuously. You only need to lean enough that you have your weight on one butt cheek. Then, scoot yourself so that when you put your other butt cheek down on the couch, the two are slightly spread apart from one another. When your cheeks are spread, the sound that comes out will only be air. Tight butt cheeks makes for a louder, higher sounding fart.

3. Go outside. Sometimes there is literally no soft place to sit. In this case, your best option is to go outside, or travel to a room with extremely high ceilings. Gymnasiums and galleries work great. The openness will muffle your fart so that even someone right next to you may not hear.

4. Surround yourself with a lot of people. This accomplishes two tasks. First, lots of people usually equals a lot of noise to muffle a fart. Also, if there are a lot of people, a fart sound could sound like it is coming from anyone. People may not know it was you.

5. Let the fart come out. Don't hold it back, this could make it squeak on the way out. Don't force your fart to come either. This could also be a disaster.

Tips & Warnings

• If you know your fart will smell, try to leave the room before anything happens. The loudest fart in the world is less humiliating than a stinky one.
• Don't sit on a hard chair. This could actually make your fart louder than if you were to stand.

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[ladypoot]

on 7/27/2009 Number 5 is good. And a soft cushioned chair will work. Let a little bit out at a time until you've relieved yourself completely. The chair will hold the smell. If you can find a area with no one in it, maybe off to the side of everyone else. Step up close to the wall or in a corner and poot. I'm scared to poot right in the middle of a group standing. The smell might stick to you. I'm not too good with muffling because when I poot it's mostly loud and rambunctous. That's why I try to get to myself and let it fly. LOL

[Lakota99]

on 12/29/2008 lol tight butt cheecks this is good