How to Use Reflective Listening Techniques

Reflective listening is a simple technique that anyone can use to help another person work through a difficult situation. In order to learn the basic skills involved in reflective listening, read and practice these simple steps.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Paraphrase what the speaker is saying, repeating the statement in question form. For example if the speaker said "My husband never listens to me!" you might say "You feel like John doesn't listen very well?"

2. Listen for the underlying emotion. For example if the speaker said "My boyfriend acts like such a jerk!" you might say "You sound mad" or "You sound frustrated."

3. Ask clarifying questions in order to make sure you understand what the speaker is saying. For example if the speaker said "That kid just made me feel so stupid!" you might say "It sounds like you're pretty upset. Did something happen?"

4. Encourage the speaker to keep talking by letting them know you are listening. Make direct eye contact. Use open, receptive body language. Nod your head, and make comments that encourage further communication such as "Ok, go on."

5. Approach the conversation with the belief that the speaker has the ability to solve the problem for themselves. Resist the temptation to offer advice, or give opinions about what the speaker is saying. Instead ask questions such as "So how will you deal with that?" and "What do you think can/should be done about this situation?"