How to Introduce a Boyfriend to Children

Whether you're a single parent by choice or through death or divorce, your children are a very important part of your life and will remain so for many years to come. The key to introducing a boyfriend to your children is timing. If you are dating but not yet in a serious relationship, keep the introduction very brief and casual, as you would in introducing your children to any friend. Once you have met someone you are serious about, it is time to involve the children directly.

Instructions

1. Remind your children often that you love them unconditionally and that no one will ever replace them in your heart.

2. Discuss the fact that you are going to introduce them to someone who is special to you. Allow them to ask as many questions as they need to and be sure to answer as honestly as you can.

3. Remind your children that this person is not a replacement for their father (if appropriate) and that their relationship with their father will not be impacted by this new person.

4. Involve the children in deciding where the meeting should take place. By giving them the opportunity to give input, they will feel empowered and less threatened. Often, the best place to meet is a neutral location outside of the home. A park might be a good setting for young children, a restaurant for older children.

5. Keep the introductions simple. You have already told the children about this special person. This is a "getting to know you" time. Hopefully, your boyfriend knows some things about the children as well. Allow everyone to share information about themselves. Just talking about what the children like to do can open avenues for dialogue. Allow the conversation to flow naturally. If the children are reticent to participate, allow them to be. If you don't push, they are more likely to open up when they are ready.

6. Keep the initial meetings on a platonic level. The children will have an easier time accepting your hugging, kissing and touching your boyfriend once they know and like him, too.

7. Give the children an opportunity to voice how they think the meeting went and what kind of activity you might all do together next time. This might give rise to attending a sporting event together or inviting your boyfriend to watch your children participate in something they like.

8. After a few "getting to know you" meetings, the children will feel much more comfortable about having your boyfriend in "their" home. They may also enjoy visiting his home.

Tips & Warnings

• Always remind the children that your boyfriend is not a replacement for anyone.

• Listen to what they have to say even if it's not what you'd like to hear.

• Be realistic in your expectations.