How to Bond With an Adopted Child

Your adoption is complete and your child is home. Now comes the real challenge as you work to become a family. Developing a close bond is so important in the days and weeks ahead. Knowing how to bond with an adopted child is the first step in creating a parent-child connection that will last a life time.

Instructions

1. Begin by clearing your schedule as much as possible so that you can spend a lot of one-on-one time with your new child. Try to limit the revolving door of visitors and avoid going lots of places with your child, especially during the first six weeks.

2. Meet the child's basic needs (feeding, changing, comforting when scared or upset, etc) quickly and fully. Showing her that you are someone who can be trusted to take care of her is an important step in bonding.

3. Spend a lot of time holding and cuddling your child and do activities that encourage eye contact. Sharing smiles and games will also help you to develop common ground and happy memories together.

4. Consider co-sleeping to promote additional closeness and allow you to meet any needs that arise in the night. An adopted child is often scared and uncertain at night and having Mom or Dad close by can help a great deal.

5. Allow your child time to grieve the loss of her former caregivers or her birth parents. Even an infant can sense that things are different and she can grieve that loss. An older child will often struggle with feelings of helplessness and not understanding what has happened. Being patient and allowing her to process her feelings can help a great deal towards developing a healthy bond between you.

6. Realize that bonding takes time. If you don't instantly fall in love with your child it doesn't mean there is anything wrong. Sometimes that feeling of love and affection will come right away but often it takes time to feel a connection. Give it time and try to enjoy the process of becoming a truly bonded family.

Tips & Warnings

• If your child is old enough, talk with her about her adoption and about how she came to your family. Assure her that you are here to stay and that you will always be there for her.

Resources

• Bonding Tips and Articles