How to Stay Out of Jail or Prison

We all cherish our freedom. Here is a simple guide to keep it, maintain it, and thrive in American society.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Common sense
• Law-abiding friends
• Forethought

1. Mysterious bag = jail Use your common sense. Don't take that package at the airport when a random stranger offers you $100 to bring it on the plane. Odds are, it is an illegal substance, and will land you in jail instead of your destination. Don't do something just because you saw it done on TV. Most people on TV these days are not on there for a good reason. Ever seen "cops?" Use them as an example of what NOT to do.
2. Read signs = no jail Read. There are many interesting things all around you to read. For instance, signs. Many signs posted throughout the United States are there to help keep you out of Jail. Also, make sure to read the fine print. I know it's alot of words and can sometimes be overwhelming, but cutting corners by just skipping to the bottom of any contract, sign-up sheet or webpage can lead to trouble.
3. Pals with integrity. Surround yourself with good, law-abiding people. They say "you are who you hang with," and they're right. Stay away from people who tend to break the law and you will not be grouped in with them the next time it happens. Being innocent isn't the only thing you need to stay out of jail. Make friends who make good choices and keep them close to you.
4. Arent these better than hooch? Don't do drugs. I know, they sound like fun. And yes, marijuana is a drug. It's a very illegal drug and until they "legalize it," just leave it alone. There are many things you can do besides drugs that relax you, give you a feeling of euphoria and stimulate the brain. Instead of getting high, try having consentual sex with an attractive person. This is fun, legal and can help to clear up acne. If none are available, masturbate. Just do so in the privacy of your own home. You can also try alcohol, if you are over the age of 21, just be safe. Only drink when there is a designated driver, and do not drink to excess. It only brings on trouble.
5. Find those laws and obey them! Don't break any laws. Check out your local government website to see what laws are applicable in your area.

Tips & Warnings

• Seek professional help! If you just can't seem to stay out of jail, find a therapist, social worker or law-abiding relative to talk to. Don't get caught in the "swinging cell door."
• If you think you are addicted to illegal substances, check yourself into a substance-abuse facility. They will not turn you in to the police, and will do what they can to help you.
• If you have friends who are constantly breaking the law, stop calling them. Break any current ties to people who encourage you to get yourself back in jail.
• It's not too late to be a law-abiding citizen! Don't be discouraged if you have broken laws before, just STOP NOW, and seek help.