How to Survive Dealing With the Father of Your Kids--After an Abusive Relationship Is Over

After finally left your abuser, there may still be a need for some contact, if you share children.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• understanding of kid's needs, strong will to maintain surviver status, realization of possibility of manipulation

1. If kids were NOT abused, they have a right to see their father, so validate their need. YOU set the terms, being aware of his continued need to control you!
2. 1.Remain as neutral as possible, avoiding demonizing their father.
   2.YOU make the plan to visit at a place outside of your new home.
   3. Never be alone with their father.
   4. Do NOT allow him to manipulate the kids into asking you to "trying it one more time",in order to keep the family together.
   4.REMEMBER that an abuser is an abuser and this will not change.
3. If you continue to fear the abuser, do NOT become any part of the visit.
   Find a neutral person to set the plan up.

Tips & Warnings

• Visiting rules must be clear and fair.
• If the father truly wants to see his kids (rather than just to see you) he will follow the rules.
• Expect him to test the boundaries (remember he's a controller!)
• Expect the kids to beg to see him more (as he will "treat" them in ways you probably can't afford).
• Stick to the plan--no conversations with the abuser, other than related to kid's visitation.