How to Get Out of a Date

The author, Laurie Wiegler

Getting out of a date requires the tact of a political contender but the guts of a heavyweight champ. It also requires a strong stomach, and maybe, just maybe, a reappraisal of the person you're about to dump. Here is how you can get out of a date!

Instructions

1. Know your audience. If he is a wilting flower, then go easy. If he is he a jerk, then enjoy this.

2. Get out of a date without explaining why if possible. There is no need to volunteer the information that may hurt his feelings. Try to simply break off the date with a sincere apology.

3. Be honest. Although you will try to avoid stating your reasons why, many have huge egos about rejection. He may want to know why. In that case, be honest.If he is a jerk and you know he's a jerk, well you probably won't be breaking the date (kidding!). In that case, tell him at the outset why you are canceling the date (I hear you sleep around; I have no interest in becoming another notch on your belt, nor do I find that the least bit attractive.)If you want to get out of a date with your mother's friend's son or whatever, that's tricky. You might tell a little white lie here: "Dear So-and-So, I didn't realize at the time we set up the date, but my ex-boyfriend, who'd been living in Peru building an orphanage, has returned for good. I'm so sorry, but I must cancel our date to see the Yankees play the Red Sox (or fill in your local sports teams here."

4. Take more initiative if he is hard to turn down.If they won't take no for an answer, tell them you are a lesbian! (No, just kidding.) Honestly, this rarely happens, and I've been dating for 30 years! But in the rare event that it does occur, then e-mail the chap back and tell him that you are sorry, really sorry, but you didn't sense any chemistry. You wish him well.That will sting, but it's the Band-Aid-pulling off approach. Works every time. Unless he's a stalker, but ...

5. Try the drastic measures if all else fails. Block his phone and email access to you. Think twice before hiring a bodyguard to stand outside your building. I am not talking about sex changes, though of course, that works, too (usually). In my experience, receiving a "this user can't stand you" email usually does the trick. Other measures might include witchcraft/voodoo/hexes and the like, but that's another story altogether.

6. Now that the date's been broken, here is how to do with some unusually tricky situations. For instance, the date's broken, but your mom is calling you and asking why you upset poor Johnny, who's a Rhodes Scholar/boy genius and you are "lucky to even know him!"This is your mom talking. Relax. You've broken the date. You can move on and find someone better to date.That's when it could get complicated, though.I once met a man at a bar while drinking with coworkers one night. We hit it off, or seemed to hit it off. I'd had at least four Cosmos that evening and mixed in with the dim lighting and laughter, who knew what I'd committed myself to when the email came requesting a real, followup date?When I requested a picture on email, the boy was offended (Ok, I get it now). That said, I realized I'd PREMATURELY COMMITTED TO A DATE -- something you want to avoid! If you commit to a date without clearly thinking it through (in a sober state) it's apt to bite you in the arse later, ladies (and gents).There are even more complex situations involving third cousins and such, but I won't get into that - ahem.Anyway, the best thing to do is tell your mom this is your life, you will do what you want, etc etc etc. Yeah, right. And they're building condos on Neptune.No, it's tricky. You may have to actually go on that date after all if your relationships are so intertwined that breaking it will keep your mom from enjoying her golden years. But guess what, if you DO actually go on the date, you'll have a chance to ham it up and make him/her fall out of love very quicklySee the movie, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" and then embellish. It's not even necessary to go to such extremes as Kate Hudson does in the movie.Believe me, it is muccccccccccccccch easier to turn someone off than on! Try: telling them you're in the final stages of menopause and wonder if they can fertilize your last egg? Try telling them you so admire their beard - do they think yours will look as soft and fuzzy when it grows out? And finally, tell them you are hoping against all hope that when your liposuction surgery is made into a reality series, you will finally win that Oscar for Best Documentary you've always wanted.

Tips & Warnings

• Be honest and up front. There is no need to waste your time or his time.

• Don't get cocky. Give all types of guys a chance.

Resources

• "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days"
• good dating advice