How to Inform a Spouse of an Affair

If you have strayed from your marriage vows there are hard questions to answer and hardest of all is how to tell your spouse that you had an affair.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Take the time to sit down and communicate. It would be cruel to go to a public place to inform your spouse that you have cheated on them. Although many people would think that going to a restaurant and informing your spouse that you have had an affair will avoid a scene the embarrassment and humiliation are overwhelming, it is just not right.

2. Take time to look at the reasons you had the affair and make a decision if you wish to end your marriage or end your affair. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. You have to choose which is more important, and do not take just your feelings into consideration, you cannot be that self centered and immature. You have to look at the whole picture. Is your significant other unhappy, is your affair affecting your children? What is going to happen to those that depend upon you if you leave for a fling? Is what you have with your spouse worth saving and working for? Will she or he forgive you and allow counseling to take over? All of these are hard questions for a hard situation.

3. Pick a quiet time, when the two of you are alone and can sit down together as a couple to discuss what you have done. You should have made up your mind to the questions above on your course of action. Be direct and honest and although honesty is not one of your strong suits presently, it is still the right thing to do. Tell your significant other what you did and then try to explain why you did what you did.

4. Expect to find tears and hurt feelings. Both men and women have feelings that are deeply involved with their significant others and the heart does not differentiate between male and female genders, if it is broken there is pain. If there is betrayal in trust there is pain. Be prepared because you may have had your reasons, and you both may be mutually to blame for seeking other people, yet the hurt is still there. Be prepared to deal with what you have caused and take responsibility

5. Discuss as calmly as possible with your current significant other what options are available. If your significant other had no idea that you were cheating they may need time to adjust to the betrayal. Do not expect to spend the night or the next few weeks at home. A separation will probably be in order until a resolution is obtained between the two of you, either a divorce or a reconciliation.

Tips & Warnings

• Look at what caused you to stray and what misunderstanding were there in your initial commitment. If you choose to reconcile, both of you will have to decide what concessions and actions will need to be pursued in order to make your marriage last.
• Your confession will lead to hurt feelings, pain and anguish. Be prepared you caused this as you will have to remember and carry what you did with you for the rest of your life.

[gururaul]

on 10/22/2009 I firmly believe that it is better to keep your mouth shut about an affair only if you no longer plan to continue cheating with that person. No good can come from you realizing that you made a mistake and suddenly telling your significant other about it. What do you expect that person to feel. Just like the article says, betrayal. Suck it up and live with the regret. Go to confession and ask the priest for forgiveness. God will forgive a contrite heart truly sorry for an offense.