How to Deal With a Bad Divorce

When you’re going through a bad divorce, it can be hard to think straight, not to mention to take care of yourself and protect your assets. Emotions are running high, and you may feel tempted to let details slide. However, you have a better chance of coming out ahead if you deal with divorce issues head-on instead of retreating. This means being proactive instead of reactive.

Difficulty:

Moderate

Instructions

Protect Yourself During a Bad Divorce

1. Keep yourself safe from abuse by filing for a restraining order if your spouse is abusive or is threatening you.

2. Seek the help of a battered women’s shelter if you have been abused or fear for your physical safety. You can find phone numbers for domestic-violence hotlines, which can give you information about shelters, at FindCounseling (see Resources below).

3. Request help from a violence-prevention center if you are an abused man. Find links to such resources at BatteredMen (see Resources below).

4. Keep a journal of your spouse’s behavior during a bitter divorce. It may help you to strategize with your lawyer or show a pattern of behavior to the court.

5. Seek the help of a mental-health professional if you’re dealing with feelings of depression, worthlessness or extreme anger. Although these feelings are normal, they can consume you if you don’t have support.

6. Take care of your body by eating nutritious meals and exercising. When you are emotionally overwrought, it is easy to let such things go. However, it will be 10 times harder to deal with the strain of a bad divorce if you neglect your health.

Make Arrangements for Your Children

1. Seek temporary visitation/custody arrangements at the very beginning of your divorce. Though some couples can make these arrangements between themselves, this sort of cooperation is rare during a bad divorce. Making these arrangements right away can stop your spouse from denying you access to your children later.

2. Arrange to exchange your children in a neutral, public place. This may help you to avoid uncomfortable scenes during exchanges. It can also provide you with witnesses if your spouse becomes violent.

3. Stay neutral when you talk to your children about the divorce, unless you need to provide details for their safety. If you try to turn your children against your spouse, you may harm your children emotionally. Plus, your spouse may use this behavior against you in court.

Protect Your Assets During Divorce Battles

1. Identify, list and photograph family heirlooms and community property, such as furniture, electronics, photo albums and china, as soon as you think a divorce may be on the horizon. Bitter spouses often remove such things from the family home during divorce and then claim they never existed. This way, you will have proof and some hope of fairness when you split assets later.

2. Get an official account balance for each joint account you share with your spouse. Get it in writing and store a copy in a safe place away from home, giving another copy to your lawyer. Bitter spouses are notorious for draining bank accounts and refusing to share the money.

3. Gather official documents, titles, deeds and records and put them in a safe place, such as a safe-deposit box. Give copies to your lawyer.

4. Open your own bank account and begin depositing funds that are legally yours into it.

5. Close jointly held credit cards. Your spouse could go on a spending spree, and you would be partially responsible for paying for it.

6. Ask your lawyer whether you can legally close your joint bank accounts and give your spouse half of the money, or put the entire amount in a different account for splitting later. The legalities of this will depend on the laws in your state.

7. Take steps to protect your personal possessions, such as expensive jewelry and clothing, if you believe your spouse may attempt to steal or destroy them. You should only do so after making a list of them and taking photographs, however.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't try to deal with a bad divorce without a lawyer. Though some amicable divorces can proceed without legal representation, you need all the help you can get for a bad divorce.

Resources

• FindCounseling: State-by-state list of domestic-violence hotlines
• BatteredMen: Resources for abused mn