How to Address the Affect of Divorce on Teenagers

Being involved in a divorce is stressful, to be sure, but the effect it has on teenage children is often devastating. There'll come a time when the issue has to be addressed with them, and you'll want to do it in a way that minimizes its affect on them. Here are some things to consider before you address your teenagers about your impending divorce.

Instructions

1. Watch for ways your divorce has affected teenagers' daily lives. They do not hide their emotions well. For instance, nightmares and sleeplessness may overcome a child who was known as a sound sleeper. Or your extrovert may become retiring. Each is a symptom of your divorce's toll on them, and professional help may be in order.

2. Tell your teenagers as soon as you can that you and your spouse have decided to get a divorce. Teenagers are very perceptive, particularly with regard to the emotions of those close to them. So, you'll want them to hear it from you before they come to the conclusion themselves. Furthermore, the longer you delay, the greater the chance is that they will blame themselves for breaking up the two of you.

3. Explain the divorce. It is best for both of you to explain the divorce to your teenage children. Above all, the acrimony each of you has for the other should be set aside, and you should show each other respect in front of your children.

4. Use the word “divorce” when discussing the issue with your teenagers. Too often, parents will try to minimize the situation by using terms like “we've decided to take a break from each other”. Such an explanation builds false hope and and creates a situation leading to emotional distress. It's better to treat them like the young adults that they are.

5. Name a surrogate that your children can talk with in the event that you're not around. You should choose someone who is close to your children and is aware of the decision you and your spouse made. That person should be available at any time if your teenagers need another perspective or want to share their feelings.

6. Don't put a damper on your emotions. If you feel anger, or are on the verge of tears, let them happen when you tell your teenagers about your decision. Those emotions will show honesty, and they will encourage your teenagers to respond honestly.

7. Be truthful in everything you tell your teenagers, because they'll know it if you don't. If you want them to trust you, do not sugar-coat the situation because what you are telling them is, in many ways, more difficult for them that it is for you.

Tips & Warnings

• Keep the lines of communication open with your teenage children, regardless of the stress you feel. Stay interested in their daily activities and share yours with them. On top of everything, continue to enjoy your children, even though there have been substantial changes in your life.