How to Deal with Former Bullies at a High School Reunion

There are those who made our high school years far more difficult than it needed to be. It is common for those who were the outcast in high school to become extremely successful in the real world. Often, a daydream of a misfit is to return one day on the wings of success. Some dream of a time when they can scoff in the face of those who mock them. Yet, when it comes time to go back to that reunion, it's hard to imagine showing those same bullies the disregard that they showed you in youth. Here is how to properly deal with former bullies at a reunion without losing your cool.

Instructions

1. Learn in advance who is coming to your reunion. Get in touch with the organizers of the reunion. Reunion planners have a lot on their plate, but most are happy to share information with someone who seems enthusiastic. A reunion is a lot of work, and it feels nice to be appreciated. Thank them for their work, and ask about the guest list. It's easier to prepare how you will deal with difficult people if you know they will be in your presence.

2. Say hello when you see them. Be courteous, but don't be too friendly. There shouldn't be a phony show. Extend to them the kindness you would offer a stranger. They have done nothing to deserve any more than that.

3. Keep your successes to yourself unless asked. There is no need to voluntarily brag. If you are a success now, there is no need to flaunt it. True success will be obvious. If the former bullies are now successful themselves, there is no need to ask them about it. Keep conversation minimum.

4. Accept an apology if it is offered. Do not let them off the hook by saying things like, "Oh, forget about it!" Truly take in the apology. You were wronged, and you deserve an apology. You don't want to be so bitter that you do not allow for apologies and forgiveness. Many bullies change over time. This is true for a majority of personalities. While some may conveniently forget the wrongs of their teenage life, some have held heavy guilt for the past 10 or 20 years.

5. Be honest if they question you about the past. Some people were rotten to so many people that they forget what all they did. Someone may have made your life a living hell, yet were so busy doing that to so many that you fade from their memory. It's a reality check into how little effort kids should truly put into a silly bully. If someone with a fuzzy memory does question you, be honest. If they hurt you, let the bully know that they hurt you. Be tactful and light-hearted about it (since you are in a state if festivity), but don't gloss over the real pain that was once inflicted on you. Let the bully into your world, and show the truth.

6. Overlook the temptation for revenge. It is impossible to escape the fantasy of getting even after all these years. Give yourself a reality check. The person you would take revenge on is an entirely different person from the one who stood before you decades ago. No true joy or relief would come from revenge on any level.

7. Leave room in your life for a fresh start. Reunions can be a time when friendships are renewed. As we have matured, it becomes more apparent how much we need those we grew up with. Forever friendships can actually be formed at a reunion that never had a chance in high school. Be open-minded about getting to know even a former bully!

Tips & Warnings

• Be happy. The best revenge is to live well. Show your happiness without bragging about your life.

• Don't show your anger. Being bitter after 10 or 20 years over the transgressions of youth doesn't look good! It is only natural, but it should be held within publicly.