How to Deal With Guilt After a Divorce

If you feel guilty about your divorce, you’re not alone; many people suffer extreme guilt after a divorce. You may feel that, somehow, you did not do enough for your spouse. You may feel that something you did led to your divorce. You may feel that you let your friends, and family, down by getting a divorce. You may feel that you are solely responsible for your children’s pain over your divorce. But guilt does not change anything or make you feel better; in fact, guilt makes your problems worse. If you use these mental tricks to help you deal with your guilt after a divorce, you’ll find that your guilt diminishes and your pain lessens.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

How to Deal With Guilt After a Divorce

1. Know that you did the best that you could do in your marriage. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. It’s rare that one action causes a divorce; rather, it’s a build up of actions, over time, that leads to the end. You are not solely to blame for your divorce.
2. There’s no such thing as a one-person marriage; that’s why it’s called marriage. Just as it takes two to make a marriage work, it takes two to bring it to an end. Know that, no matter what you did, you did not bring this marriage to an end by yourself. Your ex-spouse is equally responsible.
3. Forgive yourself, and your ex-spouse, for past mistakes. Know that everything happens for a reason and that, no matter what mistakes each of you made, it will bring you both to happier places.
4. You did not let down your friends and family by getting a divorce. Know that, though things will seem strange for awhile, they will adjust to this change just as you will. Dealing with your own guilt after a divorce is hard enough without worrying about what your friends think. If they love you, they will understand.
5. Your children will be fine. Know that, though they will feel pain for awhile, their parents’ getting a divorce (and being happy) is a whole lot better than them staying together (and being unhappy.) No matter how much you may have tried to hide the tension between you and your spouse, your children sensed your unhappiness. Getting a divorce is a more positive step than staying together for your children would have been. Later, your children will realize this.