How to Tell Children About Divorce
If you and your spouse have determined that the best course of action to take is divorce; and the two of you share children breaking the news to them can be a rough experience, especially if they are too young to understand what's going on, or old enough to feel resentment toward one party or the other. Here's some advice on how to handle the issue.
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Things You'll Need
- Quiet Area to Discuss
- Both Parents
- Each Child alone
- All the Children in a group
Instructions
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The first step is to consider the age group and mentality of each child. If you have a young child your approach will have to be completely different from the approach with your older children. If the divorce is diplomatic, both parents should be present and discuss it with the children. If not, the parent staying with the children will have to do this alone and explain the situation as best as possible and as appropriately as possible for the child. You should discuss your approach with your spouse, before discussing anything with the children.
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Speak to each child individually about the situation. When dealing with a younger child, explain that Mommy and Daddy still love each other, and the child too. Explain that even though Mommy and Daddy will no longer be living together in the same house, that they will still be an active part of their life. Though things may change, the love you two have for the child will not. Explain what's going to happen (ie which parent is moving out, and where the children will be staying, etc)When dealing with an older child, you may be a bit more explicit about the reason for the divorce, if the child can handle it, has a inclination, or otherwise deserves to know. Let them know what's going on, and that you still love them and will be equal partners in their lives, and what to expect. Of course, the "We still love you" speech should be more mature in comparison to the one you give to the younger children.
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After you explain what's happening, allow the child to ask questions, which you then answer to the best of your ability. Prepare for upset, tantrums, anger, and various other emotions, as this will be a shock to all the children, regardless of their age and mentalities.
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Give the children some time to cope and give them some space. Chances are they will come together on their own and explain the situation and offer each other comfort. After some time has elapsed, bring them all together with your spouse and yourself, and allow a more open conversation regarding their thoughts and feelings on the issue.
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Tips & Warnings
Do not be alarmed at the emotions your children express, because each one will take the news in his or her own way.
Take care of any behavior you find disturbing after delivering the news, and otherwise let the children cope in their own way.
Do not discuss the faults of your partner in front of the children.
Do not play the "blame game" in front of your children.
