How to Be Funny on a Date

This is me being hilarious on a date!

You don't need to be funny to be funny on a date. All you need is a little help from your friends--and Larry David.

Things You'll Need

• A date
• A sense of humor
• A DVD of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" or similar (in case it goes south and you must resort to others' lines!)

Instructions

Find a Date Who Shares Your Brand of Humor

1. I think we all remember the scene in "Annie Hall" in which poor Alfie throws the lobster into the boiling water, turns to his post-Annie date, and mutters something that causes her to stare blankly. "What do you mean? Uh - I'm sorry - I don't get what you mean?"That was such a perfect scene because we've all been on those dates! And not only do we not want to GO on them, but we do not want to be THAT woman.And even MORE importantly, we must find the person or persons that get us - in the way Alfie and Annie got each other.

2. Relax and observe: Just relax and be yourself. Nothing destroys humor like an uptight poopy-poop who must constantly check his reactions every five minutes. Do NOT be self-conscious. Be spontaneous. Whatever amuses YOU will likely amuse them. If you see a little dog walking along the surf with a huge German Shepard, that's hilarious! Maybe they're behind a tiny man with a big woman--even funnier! Point it out!

3. Study from the masters: Every time I watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm" I'm talking like Larry David for hours. I still say, "pretty, pretty, prrreeeettty good!" (If you don't get what I mean, you haven't seen the show; which is a crime!)Besides David, there's my pal Woody, Chelsea Handler (from E's "Chelsea Lately") and the darling Jimmy Kimmel. Maybe the funniest of them all is Craig Ferguson! Wow -- that late night lad continually chokes me up. Not only should you WATCH these people, but if you are truly unfunny on your date, then drag your little gal pal or boy into the livingroom, set 'em down with a Wine Cooler and some popcorn, and turn on the tellie.You'll be cracking each other up in no time.

4. Realize Your Limitations:If you aren't funny by nature, I won't fool you: nothing I can say will make you the life of the party, but it will be cute just to TRY being funny. I have a family member (who shall remain nameless) who isn't as witty as some of my other family members. But often, my brother and I laugh about how hard this person tries to be funny. Even that in itself is funny.That said, if you try too hard you'll annoy your date. It's better to throw in an occasional "does this thong make my butt look big?" while you're holding a flip-flop at Wall Mart against your tush, than it is to incessantly blather on like some kind of souped up Rodney Dangerfield-cum-Robin Williams. Even Robin Williams' dates probably ask him to tone it down by the end of the evening.

5. Go to a Comedy Club:I think if you know at the outset that you are HEADING TO A COMEDY CLUB that night, the pressure's off. You are free to just relax and be yourself. No one likes pressure, not even hilarious people such as myself.After the comedy show you'll think of lots of funnier things to do than you thought about going in. Maybe you could pull your date's pants down and run? Or tell her you're wanted in 49 states but thank goodness, this is the one you're living in?! Or maybe you can practice your burping falsetto you've been trying to master, hitherto alone! No?Well then, go out and find some funny moves of your own.

Tips & Warnings

• ** Don't be too shy to reach for the funny DVDs: "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is a good place to start

• ** Head out to a Comedy Show (fun, and takes the pressure off you)

• ** If you are good at memorizing, memorize some jokes

• ** Don't try too hard. Always be yourself

• ** Personally, I detest scatalogical humor. Don't even go there with me--or most women. And ladies, I shouldn't even have to tell you to save these types of jokes for your sorority reunions.

Resources

• "The Late Late Show" with Craig Ferguson (loooove him!)
• "Curb Your Enthusiasm" with Larry David, et al