How to Talk About Abstinence to a Date

Choosing abstinence in undeniably smart these days. Not only do you avoid unwanted pregnancy and the daunting decisions that may bring, but you also prevent risk of dangerous sexually transmitted diseases. Once you make the choice and believe in abstinence, don't let anything come in between you and your beliefs.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Hint at the belief when possible. It is a perfect way to let someone know that you believe in abstinence without saying it. If the topic of a classic movie comes up, you can hint at admiration for the way innocence in dating used to be portrayed. There are subtle things you can do to let someone know.

2. Find a reason to go to a drug store with your date. This especially works if you've gone on at least a couple of dates. Find a reason to walk a bit around the store. In casually passing the condom section, make a comment in a jovial tone about the condoms. "Oh, it's the marriage night section!" can work if you play it off with a smile, and then focus your attention on other things. Don't worry. This will likely get your date interested in talking more about the topic. You can then start to talk about your belief.

3. Be serious. You have to keep the tone light on first dates whenever possible, but your beliefs are serious. You may start out with a joke, but you want to make sure that your date understands that you are serious. It would be counterproductive for a date to assume you were joking around when you were talking about an important belief. Laugh, but only in the beginning.

4. Artfully bring the conversation around to the subject of things that are important to one another. When it's your turn, bring up the fact that you are a virgin (if applicable) and that your belief in waiting for your wedding night is something that you hold dear. Many will express admiration and respect for such a bold decision.

5. Be completely honest. State if you are a virgin, and don't be afraid to tell him if you're not. Many people choose abstinence even after losing they're virginity. Explain exactly what your belief system is. People can become very defensive if they feel their morality has come into question. Nobody likes a show off or someone who gets very preachy. Keep your tone of voice level, and show empathy for their experience and feelings.

6. Realize that you will lose some dates from confessing a belief for abstinence. It will help you see through people. You would not truly want to be with somebody who cannot respect and accept you.

Tips & Warnings

• Keep things positive. State all the positives of your belief verses all the risks of abandoning it. Nobody can argue that the only completely safe sex is abstinence.
• Consider it a red flag if your date tries to change your mind about abstinence. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't respect you and your beliefs.
• Don't let yourself be vulnerable on a date. Until you really get to know someone, meet at the location of your date, and never let yourself get into a situation where you aren't in a public place.

[mass1]

on 10/22/2009 "undeniably smart"

Well, it's undeniably a personal decision, that is *neither* smart nor stupid. Just unusual, but that doesn't mean much of course.