How to Identify Emotions in Kids

Emotions are intense feelings, whether positive or negative, which affect all of us. We experience emotions deeply and physiologically through our heartbeats, breathing rates and our “gut” reactions. For children, especially young ones, emotions can be sometimes frightening and often hard to control or understand. Helping your children work through the big emotions can help them develop skills they need to navigate tricky emotional and psychosocial terrain as they grow. A first step is identifying these emotions.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Observe your child. One of the most important things a parent can do is quietly observe his or her child in a variety of situations. With busy schedules and so many children in daycare or extended school hours, many parents are out of touch with their children’s emotional state. Taking the time to observe your child can help you understand where they are coming from.

2. Label your emotions. A great way to teach children about emotions is to label your own emotions. For example, you could say, “Ava, I’m just feeling really frustrated right now with this traffic” or “Sam, I’m really feeling sad that our guinea pig died.” You can also label other people’s emotions. For example, “Wow, that guy seems really happy.”

3. Teach kids to label their emotions. Even with very young children, you can begin teaching them how to label their feelings. For example, you could say, “It seems like you’re really scared right now; is that right?” or “I bet you’re really mad that your coach benched you.” Then, allow them to talk and correct you or re-label the emotions. For example, the benched teen might say, “Yes, I’m mad and disappointed, too. I really wanted to play in that game.”

4. Do not judge emotions. Emotions go to the heart of us. They are not good or bad, they just “are.” Teach your child that all emotions are okay and they will be more likely to share them with you. For example, do not tell boys they cannot be sad or tell girls they cannot be angry. Stifling emotions does not make them go away. It is also unhealthy to stifle emotions and emotional awareness is a valuable tool throughout life.

5. Teach skills to cope with emotions. For example, give children ideas of things to do with big emotions. For example, if they are angry, you might say it is not okay to hit anyone or destroy property, but it is okay to scream into a pillow or rip up newspaper or whatever works for your family and child.

6. Be extra sensitive to "reverse" emotions. Try to pay special attention if a child has an emotion that is not appropriate to the situation. For example, is your child laughing when you are angry with him? Is your child acting hostile after the loss of a loved one? By being aware of thee misplaced emotions, you can help your child redirect their energy to their true emotions so that they can work through them.

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