How to Raise a Child Without a Father

Raising a child is a challeging, tedious and exhaustive process that requires great patience, endurance and love. Trying to manage the responsibities of parenthood without the help of a spouse can seem overwhelming. However, you don't have to do it completely on your own. This article will outline key steps you can take to create a balanced male/female relationship in your home and raise a happy, health and capable child!

Things You'll Need

• Patience
• Family
• Computer (Web)
• YMCA

Instructions

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1. Find a stable, responsible and loving surrogate or mentor to actively participate in your child's life. Organize weekly or monthly events that will allow your child to develop a feeling of trust, respect and admiration for the surrogate. Allow the surrogate to act as an example of the male or female dynamic that is absent due to the missing parent. Choose the degree to which the surrogate is involved. He may not serve as a formal disciplinarian, guardian or live-in caregiver but he must certainly serve as a voice for the missing parent. When choosing a surrogate, ask a trusted friend, community leader, coach, church leader, or volunteer mentor to act as a "father figure" or "mother figure" in the child's life. A single mother raising a young son would want to find a strong, capable, and empathetic male surrogate. Conversely, a single father raising a young daughter would want to find those same qualities in a female surrogate.

2. Contact the local chapter of your Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America Club to learn more about the varying mentoring programs available to single parents and at risk children. Explain the needs of your child and work with the organization to find an adult (or qualifying teen) to mentor your child on a long term basis. Express a strong desire to interview the potential mentor prior to your child's enrollment in the program. Ask the mentor of her plans for the future. Will she expect to leave for college in a year? Be certain the person is willing to establish a strong lasting relationship.

3. Do not interfere with the relationship between the surrogate and your child. It is important for your child to develop many varied relationships in order to balance her perspective of the male/female dynamic. The child must understand the male and female dynamic equally. He may not see the sponsor as a "mom" or "dad", but he will see the uniform behavioral differences between the two. Conversely, your daughter may not see the sponsor as a "guardian", but she will see the difference between the male and female experience. This will help each to grow into his or her understanding of what it means to be a "man" or "woman".

4. Save money for your child to attend a yearly summer camp. Allow your child to develop trust with an authority figure from the opposite sex. Camp creates a simulated "nesting" experience. Allowing your child to be cared for in this kind of "nesting" environment (more so than in a traditional school setting) will help him to eliminate any distrust or anxiety for authority. Ask questions to be certain the camp is right for your child. You will want to choose a camp that structures the experience around key developmental activities and encourages bonding and relationship building.

5. Talk to your child about his or her concerns, fears, or frustrations. Answer his questions honestly and listen carefully. Speak positively of the missing parent and encourage an open relationship between the two. If you do not have any contact with the missing parent, explain this to the child. Do not invent stories of grandeur, mystery and intrigue. Instead, speak honestly and with hope. If your child asks, "Do you think mommy is a good person?" Avoid making inflammatory comments. Each attack on the missing parent is a silent attack on the child. She will not understand why she perceives it as an attack, but she will certainly perceive that if the "bad" parent made her then she is certainly made of the same "bad" qualitiies.

6. Be patient and find support for yourself. If you feel overwhelmed by the pressure of raising a child on your own, contact your local church, web groups, community sponsors, family, and friends for support. Visit your local YMCA for community sponsored events for parents and children, single parent assistance, and after school activities for children and mentoring programs.

Tips & Warnings

• Read lots of parenting books and look to elder family members for advice, support and alternative learning activities.

• One parent should never speak negatively about the other parent regardless of the reason(s) for his or her absence in the child's life.