How to Share Household Responsibilities with a Spouse

Ever had an argument with your spouse over who does what? Follow these simple steps to get onto the same page and share the household responsibilities.

Difficulty:

Moderate

Instructions

1. If you are of the opinion that by virtue of the time you spend at the office or in raising your kids you are exempt from household responsibilities, think again. Then analyze why this is. For many, household chores and responsibilities (who does the dishes, luandry, takes out the trash, etc.) are determined by how they were done and who did them when they were young.

2. Sit down with your spouse and on a piece of paper write down all of the household responsibilities that need to be done on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis.

3. Then write down in a separate column those chores on that list that you do and how often.

4. Finally, in a third column write down the chores from that second list you wish you had help on, or you feel you are unable to get to because of time, desire, etc.

5. Discuss these together, but do not make it confrontational. In your discussion, talk about why you do those or why you do not. As in Step 1, you may be surprised to see the only reason you do not do dishes is because your dad didn't, but maybe your spouse's dad did.

6. Decide to be your own family. Regardless of what your parents did or did not, divide up the responsibilities anew among yourselves.

7. Promise that even though on paper these are yours and theirs, you will both be willing to help each other as needed. This means when you need help, you will need to ask for it. And when you are asked for it, you need to be willing to give it.

8. If it helps, write this promise down and both of you sign and date. Then stick it on the fridge and go to work. Housework can be fun, especially if you tackle it together and talk while you do it.

9. If you are in a relationship where your spouse is not willing to help, make time to talk then openly and lovingly express your thoughts and concerns. If he/she is still not willing to help and gets agitated over the discussion, there may be underlying problems where, if communication does not bring them out, professional help may be necessary.