How to Become Assertive

Psychologists use all sorts of tricks to teach people how to become assertive. They tell their patients to visualize themselves behaving assertively in their minds, and then to transfer that imagined behavior into real life. They instruct their patients to watch people who are similar to themselves in gender, age and appearance behaving assertively, and then to imitate the behaviors of the models. Sometimes they provide their patients with reinforcements or rewards for assertive behavior. No matter what the technique, though, the bottom line is that you've got to love yourself in order to be assertive on your own behalf. Read on to learn how to become assertive.

Instructions

1. Assess how you feel about yourself. In order to get where you want to be, you have to know where you are.

2. If you decide that you are somewhat less than completely self-loving, think to yourself, "God loves me." Then think, "Because I love God, I am going to imitate his behavior. Since God loves me, I am going to love myself too."

3. Now think that because you love yourself, you deserve things. Ponder the love a mother has for her child; because she loves her child, she wants her child to only have the best things in life. A mother who loves her child does not want to give her child junk. She wants her child to have the best food, the best clothes, the best education. Show the kind of love for yourself that a mother shows for her child. Think "I deserve to be treated well. I have a right to ask for what I need and want."

4. Now each time a situation presents itself in the world which challenges you to be assertive, repeat these lines in your mind, "I deserve to be treated well. I have a right to ask for what I need and want." Once you have thought those words, go ahead and let the other person involved in the situation know what it is you need or want. Since this is about your rights, you don't need to start off with an apology, like "I'm sorry, but...." or "Excuse me, but..." Jump right into the main point, "I prefer to be seated near the window" in a restaurant or "I am next in line" in the supermarket.

5. Enjoy feeling good about yourself and all the behaviors that come with it. Buy yourself an extra special gift from time to time, just to celebrate that you are now in a positive feedback loop. Loving yourself helps you behave assertively, and assertive behavior helps you love yourself more. Go get a manicure and a pedicure. You sure are somebody.

Tips & Warnings

• It is entirely probable that somebody will challenge you on your path from time to time. If you are imperfect at first, and occasionally get intimidated by a bully, be careful not to persecute yourself and end up going backwards. You can just say to yourself, "That was an experience! I'm glad it came up, so I could learn from it." No one is one hundred percent assertive one hundred percent of the time. Part of loving yourself is loving the fact that you are human and fallible.