Step1
Create a back-up plan. Before entering into a situation where there is or may be a conflict, be sure that you have a back-up plan in place. Your plan doesn't have to be elaborate or detailed. You just need to know what you will do if your attempts to resolve the conflict peacefully don't work. A back-up plan can be as simple as walking away, and staying away from the other person until they are willing to work with you to resolve the problem. It can be something as involved as calling the police, or filing a motion in court. A back-up plan should be the first step you think about, but the last step that you actually use. One of the main reasons to attempt a peaceful conflict resolution is to try to avoid the need to use your back-up plan.
Step2
Evaluate your own feelings. Before you can work through a conflict with another person, your own emotions need to be on an even keel. If you are feeling very angry, hurt, or overwhelmed by the situation, you may need to put off attempts to resolve the problem until you feel more in control of your own emotion. Bringing negative feelings into the situation will usually only make the problem worse.
Step3
Defuse the other person's anger. Do this by asking questions about how she sees the problem. Listen to her responses. Rephrase what she tells you. Use reflective listening techniques to engage her in conversation. For example, suppose your friend is angry with you because she thinks that you told another person something she asked you to keep in confidence. Your first response might be to argue with her, and to try to persuade her that you did not tell anyone else her secret. This response generally does not work in resolving conflicts, however. The better approach is to listen, without defending yourself. Reflect what your friend is saying back to her, by making statements such as "You seem angry because you think that I betrayed your trust." Ask questions like "Is that right, or am I misunderstanding you?" Make sure that you know what your friend is saying, then show her that you are listening and trying to understand how she feels. This is not the time to share your opinion, or try to make her see things your way. Once she is no longer angry, she will be much more willing to hear what you have to say.
Step4
Try to find out what the other person wants or needs to feel better. Tell your friend that you are on his side, and that you want to work together to resolve the situation. Ask questions to get a better understanding of what he needs from you. "How can we resolve this problem?" or "What can we do to work this out?" are good questions to ask, to help you pinpoint what the person needs. It's important to create a team approach to solving the problem, rather than suggesting that either one of you can do it alone. Work to change your friend's view of the situation--from being "my problem" to being "our problem."
Step5
Brainstorm possible solutions to the problem together. List all of the options that come to mind, even the ones that seem silly or unrealistic. If the other person either does not want to or seems unable to resolve the conflict, be aware that you may need to use your back-up plan. "We may have to decide not to be around each other anymore for a while" or "Maybe we could both use a break from each other. Should we just decide not to talk for now?" These are both options that you may need to offer your friend, if all else fails.
Step6
Encourage your friend to make a decision on the best option for resolving this conflict. Rephrase her decision, and turn it into a plan. "So we will talk to Cindy together? Should we call her, or talk to her over lunch? When should we do that?" Clarify how the other person feels about the decision. Ask questions such as "Do you think that this will help resolve the problem?" or "Do you feel like this is the right decision?" These are reliable ways for you to make sure that your friend feels good about his choice.
Step7
Resolve it. After a conflict, it's very important that both people are willing to forgive and forget. Take some time to reaffirm your friendship. Let your friend know that you are glad that the two of you could work through the problem together. Thank her for taking the time to talk things out with you. Shake hands, or even better, share a friendly hug.
Novice 
