How to Discuss Alimony During Divorce

When you are going through a divorce, it is difficult to discuss any subject. Alimony is even more difficult to discuss. You are ending your marriage, and one spouse is expected to support the other for a period of time -- sometimes for the rest of his or her life. You are getting divorced because you do not want to have ties with your spouse, yet alimony can tie you to your spouse for the rest of your life or your spouse’s life.Alimony is a hot topic. Even if your divorce is amicable, this is a topic that can start a lot of fires.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

How to Discuss Alimony During Divorce

1. Know the law in your state regarding alimony. There are many things a court must consider before awarding alimony, such as the needs of the requesting party, the ability to pay, the length of the marriage and other things. Contact your attorney and find out what your rights are regarding alimony.

2. Once you understand what your state’s laws are regarding alimony and what your rights are, you must now decide if you would like to speak to your spouse regarding alimony, or mediate with a mediator. If you are on speaking terms, both parties can save money if they can come to an agreement regarding alimony.

3. If you are on speaking terms, find a mutually agreeable neutral meeting place. If your spouse does not have an income, be prepared to have to pay some alimony. You do not necessarily have to pay permanent periodic alimony. Depending on your spouse’s circumstances, you may only be required to pay alimony for a short time (rehabilitative alimony).

4. Discuss your joint finances. Discuss how much it is going to cost each one of you to live. If there are children involved, who will have primary custody? In many states, alimony has an impact on child support. How much martial debt is there? Do you have enough assets that can be sold or refinanced to pay off the debt?

5. Once you made all the financial decisions, you can now talk about whether or not alimony needs to be paid or not. If it does, based on each of your finances, you will be able to decide what a comfortable amount is for each of you, and a time frame for alimony to be paid. If your spouse is going to college to update or get a degree, it may be while she/he is in college. It might be until the children get older.

6. If your spouse gets argumentative about alimony, or you find yourself getting frustrated with the situation, end the discussion immediately, and have your attorney set up mediation. You do not want to say too much to your spouse just in case the issue gets to the litigation stage.

Tips & Warnings

• Stay calm when talking about alimony. Tempers may flare. If they do, end the conversation immediately.
• Take your attorney's advice. If you do not have an attorney, and you find that you are not able to discuss alimony with your spouse, it is advisable to retain an attorney, even just to sort out this issue.
• Do not argue back with your spouse. Keep your temper in check and watch what you say. If your spouse is not willing to discuss alimony, do not force him/her to discuss it.
• Alimony is a complicated issue. States have different laws pertaining to alimony. You may live in a no-fault state. You may live in a state that takes things like desertion or cheating into account for alimony. You may live in a no-fault state, but the law allows the court to use infidelity as part of its decision in awarding alimony. Before you start any discussions, you should know your rights under your state's laws.