How to Give a Nose Zerbert

Have you heard of the zerbert? You think kids laugh hard when you give them the traditional tummy-zerbert? Well, they haven't seen anything yet. Once you master the skills of the impressive nose-zerbert, you'll be the life of the party. Don't worry--they are laughing with you, not at you.

Instructions

1. You must first learn to blow out your nose. Just relax--you do it all the time.

2. Practice blowing out your nose in long, steady breaths. The faster and harder you blow, the more in danger you are in of blowing something out! Not recommended.

3. Plug one side of your nose with your index finger, leaving the other nostril open. Practice blowing again--long and steady, long and steady.

4. Find an arm to practice on. It can be your own arm (recommended) or the arm of a very brave and equally loony family member, friend or college roommate.

5. Tilt your head at a 45-degree angle and securely place the open nostril on the fleshiest part of the arm. Remember to keep your other nostril plugged with your other hand.

6. Blow long and steady (not hard and fast). You may need to move your nostril around a bit until you find the fleshiest place on the arm or the place where the air from your nostril can get the most friction.

7. Once you've mastered the nose-zerbert on the arm, you are now free to experiment as you please, advertise your skills for children's and frat parties and vie to showcase your skills on the stupid human tricks portion of the Letterman show.