How to Cope Being a Coach's Wife

Most people find that their spouse's job affects their marriage in one way or another. Given the fact that an individual who is employed full-time spends more time at their job than they do at home, it's no wonder. The ups and downs of the daily grind understandably create challenges for couples, but what if your spouse's frustrations and triumphs were showcased for a crowd of spectators? That is the situation for coach's wives everywhere. If you've married a coach, learning to deal with life under the scrutiny of stadium lights is only part of the adventure.

Instructions

Coping with your spouse

1. Prepare to communicate frequently about schedules. Then, prepare to scrap it all and juggle things on the fly. It's going to take considerable effort to coordinate your normal family commitments with the district game schedule. So flexibility and patience will be vital if you hope to avoid missing kids' dental appointments and talent shows because he forgot the local college scouts were going to be on campus to recruit that day. This can be extremely frustrating, and leaves many coach's wives feeling that their spouse is selfishly putting his job and athletes before his family. Try to remember that much of your spouse's work requirements are set by other people, so he often cannot avoid late hours and weekend work. Though this sort of flexibility is part of life with a coach, you have the right to ask and expect him to choose time with family over work when the choice is his to make. If he will do that, you'll find it a lot easier to deal with the occasional family trip that has to be canceled due to an unexpected bid in the playoffs!

2. If you are already sports savvy, great! If you're not, try to learn the basics about the sport your husband coaches. Most coaches don't care if their wife knows enough to fill in for the local sports announcer or only enough to know which team to cheer for, what matters to them is that you care enough to learn about something that is important to him.

3. Even if you don't share your husband's enthusiasm for the sport, appreciate his commitment to the kids he coaches. That's probably part of what you love about him, anyway! Most coaches genuinely care for their athletes and work extremely hard to help them be successful.

4. Understand how important your support is to him. When a game is not going as well as he hoped, or when his team's just clinched a spot in the quarterfinals, he's probably going to want to know that you're in the stands to cheer him on. Just as you would like him to be present at important moments in your life, try to be present for his.

5. Respect the superstitions and traditions that make him feel prepared, no matter how crazy you think they are. If he won't wash his "game socks" all season or insists on a pre-game breakfast consisting of a footlong chili cheese coney and key lime pie, just try to go with the flow. Some coaches feel that breaking traditions are dangerous in the midst of a winning streak or in the face of a losing one, so provided it doesn't potentially harm your guy (and provided he's willing to stash those socks in the garage and not the house!), don't sweat it.

6. Talk early and honestly about how he likes to handle both victory and defeat. You might think that a big win would automatically open your husband up to talk about his excitement and confidence after the game. For some, a win does just the opposite; it creates tension about securing the next win. On the other hand, when even the lucky socks don't produce good news in the win/loss column, your husband may want to immediately move on to planning for the next game where others may want to re-hash the loss over and over again. You'll want to know what your coach needs from you.

7. Find and nurture your own interests, career and hobbies. You'll find at any level of coaching that you will spend a significant amount of time either alone or with your kids without their father while he is at practice or at games. Don't spend that time resenting his absence, instead treasure that time as your own to do with as you wish.

8. Learn to collect praise and to ignore criticism. Coaches find early in their careers that their every move is subject to scrutiny from a variety of sources. At every level of coaching, your community will feel justified in both their praise and criticism of your spouse. It's a fact of coaching. So, in order to cope as a coach's wife, you'll need to develop tough skin.

9. Learn to bite your tongue. While everyone else may feel entitled to discuss your husband's performance, you'll never have a good opportunity to fire back. As great as it might feel to respond to difficult fans when they are critical of your husband, you'll never do your coach a favor by indulging yourself with that one well-placed come back.

Tips & Warnings

• Get the kids involved by attending games as a family or making posters before the big game to decorate Dad's office or car.

• If you have trouble handling the verbal critics during games, try sitting in the opposite team's section.

• Never discuss any of your husband's athletes with anyone but him. It's asking for trouble.

• Celebrate the beginning and ending of the season with a family tradition. Some ideas: a special family breakfast or a favorite family movie night