How to Add Positive Style to Parenting
Many parents are surprised to discover how many helpful, positive methods of discipline are actually available to them. The following list of techniques will see parents through most of the situations they face. Try to use a variety of positive approaches. Don't overdo one method and don't be afraid to add your own methods too. Think creatively and positively. See future articles for even more positive parenting techniques.
Other People Are Reading
Instructions
-
How To Add Positive Style to Parenting: Part 1
-
1
Let children know what you expect. Do not assume that your child knows what you want. Be clear and direct in stating your expectations. Also, re-check with him. Have him repeat the instructions and then explain what he perceives them to mean.
-
2
Redirect. It's not enough simply to tell your child what she can't do. She also needs to know what she can do. You may say, for example, "The chair is not for jumping on, but you may jump on the floor."
-
-
3
Have positive expectations. The way parents talk to their child can influence his behavior. Negative statements such as "You'll always be a slob," "I can never count on you to get things done," "You'll never learn," "You were going to forget to set the table weren't you?" or "Why can't you ever listen?" shows him that you doubt his abilities. Such statements can actually cause the child to keep up the undesirable behavior. He may think, "If my father says I'll never get it right, he must know what he's talking about." Now the child has a perfect excuse not to try to do better. In this way he will come to accept and live up to negative image his parent seems to expect. When parents use encouraging phrases, they show confidence that children can live up to positive expectations: "It would be helpful if you put your toys away." "It's time to return the books to the library." "I have confidence that you'll get along with your sister today." I expect you to be on time." The dishes need to be dried now."
-
4
Give a warning. Warn your child of the effect her behavior could have. For example, you might say, "Right now I am still feeling pleasant, but if this keeps up, in a few minutes you'll have an angry mother to deal with." Very often this kind of warning will get her to stop her inappropriate behavior.
-
5
Stay simple. When possible, use only a gesture or a short, pointed comment to let the child know a behavior is unacceptable. Sometimes a stern glance or a brief "Cut it out" is all that is necessary. Likewise, to bring about a desired behavior, try a brief reminder. Simply saying "Dinner" or "jacket" may sooner get the child to come in and eat or hang up the coat than would a long winded speech.
-
6
Be clear and emphatic. When you're not prepared to argue a point, take a direct, matter of fact approach: "You must wear your winter jacket this morning. There is no choice in this matter."
-
1
Tips & Warnings
Starting early in a child's life makes this process easier but it is possible to introduce this at any age. Doing so will require more patience as a child will then need time to let go of the old patterns and get used to the new ones. Regardless of when you implement these tips, it's sure to make parenting a more positive experience.
Give yourself and your child time to become used to this approach. Don't expect too much, too soon. Don't overreact to times you each falter. Have patience and good luck.
