How to Identify an Abusive Marriage

If you think that you, a neighbor, friend or co-worker is in an abusive relationship, learn the signs to look for. Discover ways to get help, should you suspect an abusive marriage.

Difficulty:

Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need

• Friends
• Family
• Counselor
• Support Group
• Telephone

How to Identify an Abusive Marriage

1. There are many types of abusive relationships. Abuse in a marriage can be more difficult due to financial difficulties and children. The victim may not be open to discussing the abuse to others and may believe that their abuser will change. Abusive marriages can be physical or emotional, yet both can lead to serious harm.

2. There are some signs to look for when determining if you or a friend is in an abusive marriage. One sign is possessiveness. This means that the abusive wife or husband is easily jealous. He or she is very controlling, demanding and bossy. An abuser will often try and isolate you from your friends and family. They may become upset if you want to go out with friends or have family over. An abuser will often be violent and loses their temper quickly. After an argument, an abuser may blame you for the way they mistreated you.

3. An abuser may often have a history of bad relationships. They are often victims themselves or witnessed abuse when they were children. When the abuser feels hurt, shame or loss of control, they may enter a rage and blame you for their problems. After a fight, the abuser may apologize profusely and say that it will never happen again. This then becomes the honeymoon period, where the relationship is great, until the next outbreak. If you have to "walk on eggshells" because you're afraid of how your wife or husband will react, this is a definite sign of an abusive marriage. If they make "jokes" that humiliate, embarrass, shame or demean you privately or in front of others, this too is a sign of abuse.

4. If you are worried about a friend being in an abusive marriage, consider the following: Does he or she become quiet and withdrawn when their husband or wife is in the room? Does the husband or wife control your friend's finances and behavior? Has your friend mentioned their husband's or wife's violent behavior, but made a joke out of it? If there are children, are they easily upset or withdrawn without saying why? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, your friend may be in an abusive relationship. There are different ways to approach this type of situation in order to help your friend.

5. The following are some questions that can help you determine if you are in an abusive marriage. Does your husband or wife: Act jealous and possessive? Accuse you of being unfaithful or flirty? Prevent or discourage you from working outside the home, having friends or going to school? Continually criticize you? Threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Hit, push, slap or bite you or your children? If you have answered yes to these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship. Friends, family, and counselors are available to help you.

Tips & Warnings

• If you want help out of an abusive marriage, you can call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

• If you believe that you are in an abusive relationship, you may want to learn how to delete your internet history in case your abuser finds the information that you have been reading.