How to Prepare to Flee a Violent Relationship

Often the decision to flee a violent relationship or marriage is instantaneous so there is no time to prepare. The window of opportunity for leaving is small, usually needing to be accomplished during the time a spouse is at work, passed out if they drink heavily or are addicted to certain types of drugs, or attending college classes if the abuser is younger. The following tips can help anyone in an abusive relationship prepare to leave in a hurry whether they are female or male, a young adult, or a senior citizen being abused by adult children.

Difficulty:

Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need

• Packed backpack, small suitcase, or even a garbage bag
• Friend, family member or neighbor that can be trusted
• Personal documents
• Cell phone or calling card
• Phone number of the local domestic abuse or sexual assault center

1. 

   Personal documents are very important for the victim of domestic abuse to take and those for any children, when fleeing a violent relationship. This includes, but is not limited to birth certificates, social security numbers, medical information, school information and immigration information. These should be kept in a purse, or an envelope that can be placed ahead with a friend, neighbor, or family member that can be trusted.

2. 

   Access to money will help a person fleeing a domestic abuse situation. This can be credit cards, traveler's checks, checkbooks and cash. Cash or traveler's checks are best, because bank accounts and credit card information may take time to change if the abuser also has access to any accounts.

3. 

   The person fleeing the abuse should take an extra change of clothing for each person leaving the household. Items should be gathered and placed in a backpack or small suitcase. A backpack, if available, would work best as it allows for easier movement. Backpacks can be put on quickly, leaving arms and hands free to carry infants or toddlers or to hold the hands of young children. Personal information could also be kept in the backpack.

4. 

   If there are any infants involved, a diaper bag should be ready and should include rattles or other small infant toys, teething gels, soaps, shampoo and powder, etc. A baby bottle, formula and baby food, and an extra blanket should be added to the bag. One or two small toddler toys could be added, as well.

5. Safe house addresses are not listed publically.

   If there are any family members or friends available, they could be asked to contact local agencies such as community action programs, local health departments, and local mental health centers to access addresses and phone numbers for safe houses, domestic abuse and sexual assault centers, low cost or free legal help, and local offices connected to Health and Human Resources to get emergency public assistance. Churches often have funds available, or food and clothing pantries for those needed immediate help.

6. 

   If possible, take a cell phone and charger or an extra battery, a calling card. If a family member or friend has compiled a list of addresses and phone numbers for local agencies or churches they should make sure the victim of the domestic violence has the list. It can be kept in a purse. Most agencies also have 800 numbers. Prepaid cell phones can be purchased and turned off until needed so that they will stay charged longer. Some are very reasonably priced.

7. 

   For women, personal hygiene items should be taken along with any prescription or over the counter medications.

8. 

   If leaving quickly, with children, try and grab snacks like crackers or pretzels for them if there are any in the house.

9. 

   Wear shoes that will allow for quick movement such as tennis shoes and put comfortable shoes on any children who will be walking or running. Dress in dark clothing so as to not be easily seen by the abuser.

10. 

    Victims of domestic abuse who are fleeing their abuser can always take refuge in a convenience store, restaurant, or other openly public place. If it would make the person feel safer, they could request the location of a back room, storage area, storm shelter or basement where they can rest and hide and make phone calls if they have a cell phone.

11. If taking refuge in a public place, the person fleeing can ask employees to call 911 for them while they hide in a back room or storage area.

Tips & Warnings

• Try to have the emergency bag packed and placed with a friend or family member, if possible.

• If the bag has to be kept in the home, try and hide it in a location where it will have a better chance of not being seen. This may be under a bed, underneath items that are being stored like Christmas decorations, behind a shelf or storage area in a garage, or in a trash bag and hidden outdoors under a porch.

• If items must be gathered quickly, know where everything is located.

• Once out of the house call 911 if you have a cell phone. Give the location of a convenience store, if there is one close and have the police meet you there.

• It is preferable that the emergency bag or backpack not be stored in a basement. Most basements only have one escape route and valuable time could be wasted retrieving it.