How to Show Alienation of Children in a Divorce

Many times even without a custody battle, a parent may try to alienate the minor children from the other parent. The alienation can be from something as simple as something subtly said to the child to the worst kind of alienation.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Some states and counties will require you to take a parenting course. Even if your county does not require it, you should take the parenting course. The course will teach you how to speak to your children about your divorce situation. If your state issues an Order for Dissolution of Marriage with Minor Children, read it carefully. It will outline, among other things, alienation issues and other rules.

2. Alienation of children by one parent or the other is a common thing in divorce. Signs of alienation include your children not "available" to speak with you on the phone, your children being reluctant to visit the non-custodial parent, indifference to you by your children and if your children are older and can make the choice regarding visitation, refusing to visit.

3. On the issue of children refusing to visit, your spouse my be coaching the children. This is a difficult thing to determine, because your children, if alienated, will lie and say they "just don't want to come over this weekend." If you notice signs of alienation, you will need to speak to your attorney and request a home study and possibly a psychological evaluation of both you and your spouse. The professionals will make a recommendation to the court. You may also file pleadings for visitation if there is a visitation order already in place. If there is no visitation order currently in place, contact your attorney and tell them you need to file a Motion for Visitation and Other Relief.

4. Also be careful of what children are saying. They may say things like "daddy makes us do our homework" or "mommy made me clean my room." These may be signs your spouse is trying to alienate your children from you.

5. Alienation can be very emotional for both the parents and the children. The children should not be subjected to the parents' feelings toward each other. Parents are required to keep the feeling of a family unit together for the benefit of the children. You must put your feelings for each other aside in front of the children. This means no bad-mouthing the other parent to the child or to other people in front of the child.

Tips & Warnings

• Encourage phone and email contact with the other parent when it is not time for their visitation.
• Encourage your children to visit and do things with your spouse.
• Never bad mouth your spouse to your children. Most courts are aware of alienation issues and will consider this a factor in awarding custody in a custody battle.

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[cherdons]

on 2/11/2009 It happens more often than people think. I am also a paralegal and I am working on a case with an attorney where the wife is actually doing the alienating.

[AmericanMexican]

on 12/6/2008 This is a terrible thing that can happen in divorce. In my divorce I took the high road and tried not to do anything like this, and I just couldn't figure out why my Son as shutting me out. And I found out 5 years later that my ex's whole family was doing this. So so sad.