How to Discuss Teen Dating

Teens want to date even earlier now than they did when their parents were in high school. That means that parents need to discuss dating with their teens before the issue even comes up. If you lay down some simple ground rules, it can make parenting a dating teen a lot easier to live with.

Instructions

1. First, you and your teen need to decide what, exactly, constitutes a date. If your teen likes someone of the opposite sex and they go out with ten other kids to the bowling alley, is that a group outing or is it a date? What about the two of them going out alone in a car together? Figure out what sorts of activities you approve of and make sure your teen understands where the boundaries are. You may choose to say, "You're welcome to go someplace public with this person, as long as you're with a group and there's a parent there to supervise. However, you're not permitted to go off alone somewhere in a vehicle."

2. You'll also need to set limits as to who your teen can date. If you don't want them going out with someone more than a year or two older, establish that right off the bat. Offer compromises, such as, "Look, since you're only fifteen, I don't mind you dating a sixteen or seventeen-year-old, but anyone older than that is off-limits." If you have concerns about them dating someone who may have a reputation for making poor choices, such as drug use, alcohol consumption, or promiscuous sex, you need to let your child know what you think. Tell them up front, "I've heard that this person is really into partying and I'm just not comfortable with you dating someone who spends their time drinking and using drugs."

3. Part of conversations about dating should include talking to your teen about sexuality. Depending on what your family's values are, you'll need to make sure your teen understands what sort of behavior is acceptable and what is not. Equally important, let your teen know that just because they are dating someone does not obligate them to become sexually active. Encourage your teen to talk to you if they feel that they are in a relationship with someone who is pressuring them. If you have boys, you still need to have this talk; male teenagers are under just as much pressure to have sex as the girls are.

4. Make it clear that you intend to meet anyone your teen is in a relationship with. Let your son or daughter know that before they go out with someone, their date is expected to come into the house and introduce themselves to you. This allows you to get a good idea of who your child is spending time with. If your teen daughter's new boyfriend comes into the house smelling like cigarettes and with a big cold sore on his lip, then you'll definitely have something to discuss with her. Likewise, if a kid arrives and is respectful and polite to you, you can probably assume he'll treat your daughter with respect as well.

5. Finally, let your teen know that communication is always open. Encourage him or her to talk to you about any questions they may have. Remind your teen that dating is a privilege, but it also comes with responsibilities.