How to Deal With Death

People grieve in different ways, normally and abnormally. Those who have recently lost a loved one often require an extraordinary amount of support. After the passing of a loved one and the honoring of their time on Earth, time should be focused on helping the leaving deal with their loss.

Instructions

1. There is not a medically prescribed way of dealing with death. There is no set time frame that you must complete your grief in, or a certain way to do it. When the loss of someone close occurs, grief is a natural reaction to a life changing event. The death of a family leader will cause markedly deeper grief than that of someone further down the lineage. Your religious affiliation may suggest certain acts to help deal with the death. Jewish families wear a kriah and gather for the anniversary of death at one week, one month, six months and a year. The easiest way to determine what your faith may suggest is to ask your officiant at church. They are used to answering questions about how to deal with grief, so do not be ashamed to tell them you need help.

2. When you first lose someone, you may feel like your world has ended. You need to readjust to your life without this person in it. There is no time frame for this. It may only take you six months to look at this person's picture and not be upset. This is normal. Feelings of guilt, anger, shame, helplessness, regret, sleeplessness and anxiousness are all very normal reactions. You may have these feelings for a year. That is completely normal. Speaking of the deceased as though they are still a part of your life is normal. Once you have adjusted to the loss, these feelings will subside. If you have feelings of uncontrollable anger, or ideas of harming yourself or others, these are not normal reactions to grief. There are many different support groups and professionals that your local Funeral Director can guide you to in this case.

3. When speaking to children about death, do not tell them that the person was ill and had to go to Heaven. The child then associates illness with going away, and this can cause damage to the child's psyche in later years. Do not tell the child that the deceased is sleeping. Again, this associates a normal occurrence with dying, which can damage the child later in life. Do tell the child on their level what has happened. If the child is old enough to know what has happened, most Psychologists suggest letting them attend the funeral. This aides in the understanding of the finality of death, and the beginning of acceptance. If the child has any questions, answer them as best you can. And the answer 'I don't know" is perfectly acceptable when you honestly don't know. Do not make up stories when you do not know the answer. Children learn acceptance of death from immediate family, so the choices you make now lay a foundation for life.

4. Speaking with your family or close friends can help to ease the pain of the loved one lost. This will not replace the deceased, but increase your acceptance of life without that person in it. Many families use Memorials for remembrance. For instance, if your Mother loved the Halloween holiday when she was alive, you could put together a small gathering with her on this day. Some funeral homes now offer a Balloon Day, where the families of the recently departed can write the name of their loved one on a balloon and set it off on certain days. These are only suggestions, as how your family holds the departed is different than other families. The more you can involve yourself with your life, the easier the transition to life without this person will become.

5. There are many groups available online for the grief stricken. You are not alone. Reach out to your family, friends, pastor, Funeral Director and community. It is your job to be there for them and they will be there for you. You can Google search "Grief Support Groups" in your city for a more informal setting. Your Funeral Director, even if it has been a year since you seen them, will be more than willing to guide you to local resources. Your pastor can be of great assistance in dealing with the family situation that may arise after the death of a head member. Regaining control on your life after losing someone is always a difficult task. No one is asking you to forget your loved one, but to remember them and the way they would have wanted you to live.

Tips & Warnings

• There are many websites created and dedicated to strictly dealing with grief. Many, if not all are free. Communication is key in dealing with your loss. Do not be afraid to admit that you need help in getting through this tough time.

• If you believe you are suffering from abnormal grief symptoms please seek professional help. If you have thoughts of harming yourself or others, or an abnormally long grief period of over a year, contact your local Mental Health Professional for further assistance.