How to Make a Second Marriage Successful

A second marriage is a second chance. It's a second chance at happiness, a second chance for your hopes and dreams and, for many people, a second chance to get it right. While all of this is true, viewing remarriage as a chance to get marriage "right" may actually be more harmful than helpful. To make your new marriage successful it's important to keep perspective.

Instructions

1. Leave your first marriage out of this one. If you're still angry or hurt about a divorce or actively grieving as a widow or widower, you're not able to give this marriage the emotional devotion it deserves. Make sure you've worked through your own issues and are at peace with who you are and where you are in your life before committing to remarriage.

2. Clarify your expectations of marriage, especially if your first marriage ended in divorce. Don't go into a second marriage without knowing what it is you want and need from another person and what you have to offer. A second marriage gives you the gift of already having found out what you will and will not accept from or be able to provide your partner. Do some of this soul-searching individually and then come together with your future spouse to compare expectations.

3. Cultivate a relationship that doesn't include your children. With a second marriage often comes the need to blend families, but it's important to separate that from your bond with your spouse. Spend time together, just the two of you, talk about things other than your new family and take the time to revel in your newfound happiness. It's not selfish to be happy and loved. Your children will benefit from being in a loving environment whether they acknowledge it or not.

4. Recognize when your previous marriage is coloring your views of your spouse or his actions. Sometimes you may react to something your spouse says or does not based on him, but on the emotional baggage it triggers. Take a deep breath, explain your reaction and let your spouse know that you'll try to deal with the situation differently next time.

5. Come up with ways to cope with the things that aren't that important. This isn't something you can do alone. As a couple you will have to determine what things are worth fighting about and what things aren't worth it. For some couples, it may not be worth fighting over money, so setting up separate bank accounts may be a coping mechanism. For others, parenting techniques may be a sticking point, so it will be important to work together to create a co-parenting plan.

6. Support each other. Know your partner's dreams and help her find a way to make them reality. Listen to her when she's sad, celebrate with her when she's happy and expect her to do the same for you. Marriage is about taking care of each other in all types of circumstances.

7. Accept your spouse for who he is, not who you think he can become. In first marriages, many people make the mistake of thinking they can change their spouse. By the second time around, you should know that the only person you can change is yourself.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't underestimate the importance of physical intimacy in making your marriage successful. Sex and smooching are great ways to keep reminding each other of your connection.

• Disregard the word "second" when viewing your marriage. Sure, you've done it before, but this marriage is its own entity with its own unique qualities.