How to Help a Passive-Aggressive Adult

An adult who exhibits passive-aggressive behavior is covert in expressing aggression and hostility. While the ultimate goal of this conduct is to resist a demand and frustrate or anger another person, it's often the case that the target is unaware of the intent behind such subtle actions. Learn how to identify passive-aggressive behavior and what you can do to help.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Realize that an individual who displays this type of conduct needs to learn how to communicate anger in a healthy manner. Ambiguity, forgetfulness, blaming, procrastination, victimization and subtle criticism of authority figures are characteristics of passive-aggressive behavior. It's important to note that passive-aggressive behavior is different from a passive-aggressive disorder that entails a lack of self-confidence, irritability, blaming, defensiveness, resentfulness, the belief that others are making unreasonable demands, a lack of awareness that personal behavior is self-defeating and difficulty finding pleasure in relationships with others.

2. Express to the individual in a caring and assertive manner the importance of seeking the help of a counselor or physician if you suspect the individual has a passive-aggressive disorder. If you identify this behavior in a loved one, go along on the office visit and share your observations with a helping professional.

3. Encourage the individual to sign up for assertiveness training. This can help the person learn how to communicate anger more effectively.

4. Confront the individual that exhibits passive-aggressive behavior directly. Speak to the person in private and address one action at a time. Express your feelings without attacking the character of the individual. Let the person know you care and that you are trying to strengthen the relationship, but limit the conversation and allow the individual to withdraw from the discussion in an honorable manner.

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[ashfeather]

on 7/10/2009 Passive aggressive people will just say something like, "well now I feel like ****.. thanks." Instead of taking your help. What do you then? My marriage is on the rocks right now due to his P.A. behaviors. The lies, now I cant trust. The not looking within, but blaming. Where is the hope? I would appreciate if you could possibly find some time to talk via private messages. Do you know what I mean? 5*s though, because these tips will work if the person is willing to change. How do you know though?