How to Be the First to Die in a Horror Movie

Horror movies are one of the few types of movies where dumb behavior is virtually assured. When characters are killed off in horror movies, they are usually doing stupid things. If you are a character in a horror movie and you do any of the following things, you can expect to be the first to die.

Things You'll Need

• Low morals
• Minimum intelligence
• Inquisitive nature

Instructions

The Triangle of Promiscuity Gets You Every Time

1. Bathe early in the movie. This simple everyday task is a kiss of death in the movies. It also is the first of a triangle of mistakes involving nudity and low morals. Horror movie killers just do not like it when you are naked.

2. Wear revealing clothing. This is the second in the triangle, and it is usually a pretty strong indication of impending horror movie death. This is not applicable, however, if your name is Biel, Alba or Dushku. They are exempt and allowed to dress this way by most horror movie killers, as they must survive to the movie's end.

3. Make out with the first person you run into. This is the third and most deadly of the triangle of death. Promiscuity has always been a trigger for horror movie killers.

The Dumb Mistakes Horror Movie Characters Make

1. Investigate every single sound, no matter how ominous. Why is it that people must find out what that growling noise is behind the closet door? Just get out!

2. Look around and explore every single corner, especially if you are alone. If you are walking in a forest alone with a killer on the loose, your chances of being the first to die are quite high.

3. Whimper as loud as possible once the killer walks into the room you are in. In every horror movie, there is one girl that will hide in a closet and then proceed to whimper loudly so that the killer can make her the first to die.

4. Trip over every object as the killer chases you. This one is famous and seems to be in every horror movie several times. Someone will be running from the killer and trip over (insert object here) no matter how clearly it is in their way.

5. Drop the weapon used to off the serial killer right at his feet after killing him. The killer always comes back to life at least once, so be sure to have his murder weapon handy there for him. It is a wonderful gesture.