How to Deal with a Difficult Friendship

We all have had to deal with a difficult friend at some point. There are all sorts of difficult friends. The key word here is to deal with the friend, though. Don't let them get away with mistreating you. A friend is suppose to be someone you can go to you are having a bad day, not be the cause of your bad day. You should ask yourself if you can continue dealing with this person. It just may be time to end the friendship if they cannot change their behavior towards you.

Instructions

1. Start by taking a hard look at yourself. Ask yourself if this person causes you to behave differently than how you truly want to act. If you can't be honest about your feelings or feel like you're always trying to impress someone, that is a red flag. By looking at yourself, you just might get some answers about yourself and your friendship with this person.

2. Once you have an understanding of what motivates you to behave the way you do in the friendship, it’s time to start making changes. You are going to have to learn how to be true to yourself and your core values.

3. Have a serious talk with your friend. Do your best to remain calm and levelheaded while having this discussion, even if your friend is not.

4. Make certain that you are heard. Once you’ve had your say, give your friend a chance to have her say. She can either be accepting and apologetic, or she can be defensive and angry. If it’s the latter, step back from the relationship. Give her some space and time to think things over.

5. If over time you see that your friend is trying to make improvements, that is good. If he slips back into old ways, gauge how far it goes. Try to exercise some measure of tolerance for his imperfections if he is someone that you want to keep in your life.

6. Cut ties if things stay the same or worsen. If it becomes clear that the person will never make an attempt to change, you are going to have to start distancing yourself from her. Do this very slowly and discreetly, gradually reducing the time that you spend with her.

7. Make sure this doesn't become a pattern for you. Sometimes we attract and tolerate certain kinds of people in our life because of all sorts of reasons. Be sure to surround yourself with positive people, and continue to assert your independence a little at a time through your actions.

Tips & Warnings

• Try to be compassionate in tone, although you must stand up for yourself. Everybody wants to feel understood.

• Don't confront your friend if you feel they are unstable. If it has gotten really bad, enlist the help of others.