How to Teach Your Grandmother to Rap

Why should the kids get to have all the fun? Grannies like to bust rhymes on funky beats too, you know. Just because your grandma doesn't rap--doesn't mean she can't rap or that she doesn't want to rap--it only means she doesn't know how to rap. With a little encouragement and guidance, your grandma could soon be overflowing with the joys of rapping delight. Follow these tips to help bring out the slim shady in your old lady.

Things You'll Need

• Grandmother

Instructions

1. Start strong. Lose the formal, "It's wonderful to see you again sweet grandmother dear" greeting. The next time you see your grandma, enter the room with energy, like you're jumping on stage in an underground hip-hop club. Say something to the effect of: "Yo! Yo! G-ma! Wassup homegirl?"

2. Exchange a high five for a hug. A high five sets the mood for F-U-N, and fun is what rapping with grandma is all about. If your grandmother has a bad shoulder, elbow or wrist, you may have to exchange the high five for a low five. This is OK.

3. Teach call and response. When you say "hey," grandma says "ha." Grandma may have played this game as a girl at camp or in church. Or perhaps the idea is new to her entirely. Explain the rules clearly.

4. Say "hey."

5. Wait. Allow your grandma ample time to respond with her "ha." If she jumps in immediately, great! You've got a quick study in your midst. If she looks at you perplexed, be patient. Reiterate the pattern and try again. Do not dismay. Many of today's most influential rapping grannies were slow when first learning this fundamental.

6. Repeat with variation. Try "When I say 'early,' you say 'bird' " or "When I say 'baby,' you say 'boom.' " And there's always my own granny's all-time favorite: "When I say 'meat,' you say 'loaf.' "

7. Raise the roof. Once your grandma has the call and response down, surprise her with this: "All the grandmas in the house put your hands up. All the grandmas in the house make some noise." Again, be aware of shoulder, elbow or other body pains that may prevent your grandmother from performing a full roof raise. And remember, noise is relative and could depend on her hearing aid volume.

8. Foster her growth. Encourage your grandmother to write rhymes, try boxing and give shout outs at family gatherings.

9. Avoid swear words. Grandmas do not like swear words.