How to be a Stepford Wife

With rapid advancements in technology, human beings are ever gaining on their ability to replace each other with robotic copies. This article shows you how to be a Stepford Wife (or at least go under the radar and appear like one for the time being) For a full, detailed version of this article, go to http://d332.com/posh/how-to-be-a-stepford-wife/

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• A strong sense of the self
• A sense of humor
• A drive for excellence
• Neatness
• Order
• more sense of humor

1. Always wear your makeup.
2. Always take care of your hair. Not a strand should be out of place.
3. If you are not well-endowed in your torso area, use bra inserts, augmenters, or the chicshaper. Large bosoms featured prominently in Levin's original story.
4. If you are not thin, wear a girdle.
5. Wear tight, but conservatively-cut clothing to show off your assets. (Remember to wear an apron during housework)
6. Look in the mirror. Imagine yourself as a girl in a television commercial; you should look flawless, at all times. The picture of the Stepford Wife is the picture of a person who is healthy and takes good care of herself.
7. Clean clean clean! Everything needs to be spotless. Even if it takes a dozen repeated rubs, scrubs, and buff in the same spot. Clean and clean some more, in every corner of the house.
8. Cook.
9. Shop at the supermarket. Push your cart slowly. All items need to be placed in your shopping cart neatly, methodically, and in an orderly fashion.
10. Practice gracious and polite behavior even when you are alone. Eat with the silverware in place even when you eat alone. Etiquette and proper manners begin at home, when no one is looking.
11. Never raise your voice.
12. Always say "please" and "thank you" for the smallest things, in public and private.
13. Always apologize for the smallest things, in public and private.
14. Do not possess any strong opinions on any subject, unless you are expressing enthusiasm for cleaning products or food ingredients and recipes.
15. Your man is No.1. He is the kingpin in your life. You answer first to him, then to your son, and then other men (and only when you are spoken to).
16. Don't read, because who has time when you have this much housework to do and so many men to attend to?

Tips & Warnings

• True to the Levin's original Stepford Wives, I will include a list of books mentioned in the novel as well as like-minded books, just in case you have some extra time to sneak on the side, you know...after the kids are tucked away and the hubby is off to the Men's Association Club.
• 1. The Feminine Mystique - Betty Friedan
• 2. Sexual Politics - Kate Millett
• 3. The Politics of Domesticity - Barbara Epstein
• If your husband is a chemical or computer engineer and he is spending an inordinate amount of time with his colleagues, check the condition of their wives.
• Never announce you are embarking on a Stepford Wife self-improvement. If your husband says, "where's the old you?! I married you for who you are and I want that person back!" You've got a keeper.
• If your husband says "I'm beginning to like the new you!" Be concerned.
• If your neighbors' wives suddenly become obsessed with cleaning, conduct a simple test. Ask them what NOW is? If smoke starts coming out of their ears, leave town immediately!