How to Efficiently Pet Any Dog

Almost any canine except for the fiercest can be induced to love you with a little well-applied petting. But all too often the petting methods used are either too aggressive or half-hearted, and the dog becomes uninterested in you except for food.

A lazy, loyal dog can be a great boon to a slacker. Here’s how to pet your way into its heart.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Before anything else, never hit, throw, or otherwise molest the dog.
   
   They have great memories. Also, be sensitive to the fact that the dog might be scared of loud music, TV, or children. If you are nice and gentle to the dog, it’s more likely to reciprocate.

2. Look for body language that the dog is in the mood to be petted.
   
   If they’re sitting up near you with chest prominent, or on their back showing their belly, it’d be almost rude not to initiate some petting. If teeth are showing, or they’re growling, stay back. Resist the temptation to pet a dog that’s actively misbehaving, even if it seems amusing (like jumping up and running around too wildly when you come home), unless you don’t mind the misbehavior becoming a habit.

3. Start with a scratchy massage behind its ears.
   
   This is the most near to universal non-erogenous zone of pleasure on a dog. Use your nails only slightly at first, but watch the dog’s face to see what they like.

4. Move around; don’t keep scratching the same spot for too long.
   
   Once you’ve found the pressure that the dog prefers, move around to the top of their head, gently between their eyes, around their cheeks and jowls. Try scratching your way down their back, or gently massaging their ribcage with your palms. Most dogs have some kind of favorite spot; you’ll know you’ve found it when their eyes turn to slits and they raise their chin slightly. They might thump their back foot if you really find an itch.

5. The cliché style of petting is annoying to most dogs.
   
   Just stroking your hand down their back isn’t going to impress them much, though you’ll find the occasional (usually neglected) dog that enjoys it anyway.

6. See where the dog scratches itself, and scratch that spot.
   
   If the dog’s been nonchalant about your petting, this can help you hone in on their favorite place to be scratched.

7. Talk while you pet.
   
   You don’t have to gab or gush, but let them hear your approving voice.

8. Give them a snack sometimes.
   
   If they’re sitting still and being good while you pet them, it’s the right time for effusive praise and a treat. Or, use biscuits sparingly to break the ice with a hesitant dog, but if you want them to be a good dog in the long run you have to show that your attentions are the tastier reward.