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Step 1
Ask for information about the possible birth mother. The adoption agency or facilitator should have some basic information about the possible birth mother, such as her age The more you know about the possible birth mother, the better prepared you can be for this meeting.
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Step 2
Think about what you would like to discuss. If you are considering having an open adoption or a semi-open adoption, then you will need to decide ahead of time how you envision the relationship working.
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Step 3
Select a gift. Bring along a modest gift for the possible birth mother as a gesture of friendship. If you can find out information about something that she might like, then purchase a gift that is tailored to her interests. Otherwise, choose something that is likely to be well received by most women, such as a gift basket of bath soaps or a photo album that she can use for pictures of the baby.
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Step 4
Consider what the possible birth mother might be feeling. The more you can empathize with the possible birth mother, the more comfortable you will feel when you meet her face to face. Think about how it must feel to be meeting the people who might be raising your baby.
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Step 5
Show up to the meeting on time. Show the possible birth mother the respect of not making her wait to meet you. Nothing in your life should hold a higher priority than showing up to this meeting on time.
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Step 6
Look for the things you have in common. The possible birth mother likely selected you as the adoptive parents for her baby because she felt like she connected with you in some way. Look for that connection when you meet in person. By finding something that you have in common, you will facilitate the beginning of a relationship between you.
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Step 7
Be yourself. Do not try to be what you think the possible birth mother wants you to be. Instead, just be natural. This is the beginning of a lifelong connection through the baby, so begin that relationship by showing the possible birth mother who you really are.
