How to Sneak Liquor onto a Cruise Ship

Going on vacation, and too lazy to map out your own itinerary? A cruise is the answer. It’s easy to find last-minute deals, especially in the off-peak season, and let’s face it, you don’t plan very far ahead. Unfortunately, even though you get the impression that most nourishment and entertainment is included in your ticket price, the cruise lines will attempt to make you spend double that or more through the various extras you can buy. Worst among the surcharges is alcohol. Most cruise lines have strict policies against bringing your own alcohol on board, but there’s almost no point in going on a cruise if you’re not going to be constantly drunk. Here’s how to get away with smuggling in all you need, and saving a ton of money.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Remember that there are no consequences if you’re caught.
   
   Even if security does catch you with alcohol, the worst they will do is hold it until the end, and give it back to you. You won’t be punished or fined or even spoken to harshly. So, considering how fast $8 well drinks adds up, if you’re going to drink at all, it’s definitely in your interest to smuggle.
2. Don’t use actual liquor bottles.
   
   All luggage is run through x-ray machines. They’re not going to make a big effort to search your bags, but it’s pretty easy for x-ray techs to tell basic shapes. A liquor or wine bottle usually has an obvious distinctive shape.
3. Put it in your checked luggage, not your carry-on.
   
   Carry-on bags are more likely to be hand-searched. Also, you won’t be around with the key to unlock the luggage lock that you should put on your checked suitcase, and the security people won’t want to bother with clipping it.
4. Empty toiletry containers are a failsafe hiding place.
   
   Bottles of plain saline for contacts, or rubbing alcohol, work very well. Avoid using shampoo, conditioner, or other heavily scented products, because no matter how well you rinse them out, you’ll get a taste of it in your drinks. A big bottle of Listerine will hold a lot, but make sure it’s a liquor that you like mixed with mint, because the flavor will definitely linger. Or, better yet, buy a citrus flavor of mouthwash.
5. Water bottles work too.
   
   Buy a couple of big water bottles, and open them carefully. Refill them with vodka, gin, or white rum, all the way back to the top, and then try to make them look like they’re sealed again. Often you’re not supposed to bring bottled water on board, but it’s much less likely to be confiscated.
6. Hide anything non-metallic anywhere on your person.
   
   It’s not airport security, but it’s close. No one gets frisked, but you do go through a metal detector. If you want to tape a minibar around your legs and chest, as long as you aren’t clinking and don’t beep at the metal detector, you’ll be ok.