How to Not be an Annoying Mother In-Law

As a mom, it can be hard to let go as your child gets married and starts their own life and family. You want to be as involved as possible, but you don't want to become an overbearing in-law either...

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• personal boundaries
• ability to relate
• politeness
• manners
• common sense
• respect
• patience
• be non condescending
• ability to let go
• trust in your child and their spouse

1. You need to develop a sense of boundaries. Remember that you can love and be LIKE a mom to your daughter/son in law, but you aren't their mom so don't try to assume that role. That includes not giving them advice unless the specifically ask for it. That's a biggie, I think the thing that drives most people crazy is all the unwanted advice given by their mother-in-law! lol.

2. Before you confront or approach you daughter/son in law about something, think about YOUR in-laws. Would you appreciate them saying/doing what you feel like doing or saying? That helps put things in perspective a lot. I think most people don't want their in laws to tell them anything because it can easily come across as condescending or just plain old annoying.

3. Remember Genesis 2:24, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." You are still your child's mother, however, they are grown and now their spouse is their first priority. Your child is a gift from God that is on loan to you for 18 years. Do your best to raise them to be a good partner for someone and then set them free. Once they are in adulthood and living their own married lives, respect their decisions and need for space. Your child has his own family now so don't be surprised or offended if family time doesn't always include you.

4. Don't pry or ask overly personal questions. Although you ARE family, you are now extended family and not everything is your business and you don't need to know everything. Give them space and respect their privacy and trust that they will let you know about anything important going on.

5. Stop making suggestions all the time. You may think you're just being helpful but it comes across as rude and annoying. Instead, compliment your daughter/son in-law in the areas you can. Let them know you trust their judgment and abilities (even if you are skeptical).

Tips & Warnings

• If you call your kids everyday with random reasons just so you can know what's going on, what they are having for dinner...and oh make sure to remind them they need to make a salad with that...you are being annoying. And if you say, "Well, I always call you because you don't call me"....it's because you don't give them a chance to call you...you call them so much they don't want to pick up the phone and talk to you again.
• Develop a friendship with your daughter/son in law.
• Realize your son/daughter isn't perfect, they ARE good enough for your child and that is why your child chose to marry them.

[sosweet]

on 2/17/2009 Don't mother-in-laws EVER wonder why there are so many jokes about them, articles such as this

[econ476]

on 10/28/2008 Excellent advice!!

[thenannysden]

on 8/30/2008 YES YES YES!

[taradl]

on 7/30/2008 Excellent advice. There's nothing more annoying that an in-law who purports to know everything, spewing out a never-ending list of suggestions, precautions, and general parenting fodder. They have already raised their children and now it's our turn. I don't admit to being perfect, but they're not perfect, either. Everyone makes parenting mistakes, so unless your daughter-in-law or son-in-law is absuing your grandchildren or doing some irreparable damage, you should sit back and enjoy your job of being a loving and supportive grandparent.

[fennnyyy]

on 7/16/2008 wow, very good advise! thank you :)