How to Make Time for Your Marriage (A Guide for Working Moms)

Working moms want to have working marriages, and one of the challenges many of us face is how to carve out time with our spouse. Between the demands of raising a family and pleasing a boss, some of us find that our primary relationship can get lost in the shuffle. As we shuttle children to soccer practice and projects between departments, it’s not uncommon for days to go by when the most meaningful communications with our husband happen over email and cell phones and the family calendar on the bulletin board in the kitchen. But nurturing our marriage as an individual relationship separate from kids and career is key. After all, he’s the one that made us want to take jump off the cliff and take this wild ride. Studies show that the most satisfied moms and most effective employees are, first and foremost, happy in their marriages. We all have 24 hours in a day, and we all put our time and energy towards the things we cherish the most. With this in mind, here are some little things that can make a big difference in sustaining a happy relationship.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Have dinner together as a family as often as possible. This is one of the most important “rules” my husband and I have implemented. On the surface, it doesn’t seem like this is devoting time to just the two of us. In reality, when we all have dinner together, both of us can hear what happened during each other’s day. Then we don’t have to spend our alone time playing catch-up with everything that’s going on with the kids and our bosses.
2. At least one night during the work week, make the time you have after the kids are in bed a no-technology zone. This means no televisions, computers or Blackberrys. It also means no paperwork or housework. Spend this hour or two doing something together that you both like to do. It doesn’t have to be sensual, but it certainly can be! Play a game of backgammon. Plan a trip or an adventure. Do some gardening. Listen to music. There were lots of things your husband and you used to like to do together before children changed the landscape of your relationship. Remember these things and do them. Or try out some new things that you both want to do.
3. Find a babysitter you trust and have a date night once a weekend. My husband and I have a weekly date night every Friday. We have done this since my sons were 1 and 3. Often, we just go to dinner and a movie. Sometimes we go shopping, meet up with friends, go to a party or attend an athletic event or a play. The important thing is that we look forward to Friday night every week because we know we’ll have 4-5 hours to be with each other doing whatever we like. Some of my friends are jealous of our Date Night, but it’s not hard to implement and every working mom can make it a priority.
4. Go to bed together and wake up together. Sometimes conflicting schedules due to a last-minute report or an early-morning meeting are inevitable. But sharing a similar sleeping schedule offers numerous benefits to a marriage. It’s comforting to have a snuggle and some pillow-talk be the bookend the finishes a busy day. Likewise, two pairs of hands in the morning make getting everyone off to school and work much easier. When affection and responsibilities are well-balanced, a marriage filled with many pieces can run more smoothly and with less resentment.
5. Be flexible and on the lookout for opportunities to remember why the two of you became a ‘we’ in the first place. Flexibility is the watchword for working moms everywhere. Look for and take advantage of time that can be carved out for you and your husband. If the kids are with their grandparents for the day, make sure some portion of that day is devoted to doing something with your spouse - even if it’s just taking a walk.

Tips & Warnings

• Little pieces of time and energy add up and pay big dividends during the times that your relationship may have to take a back-burner. If we’ve got a month of extended travel for our job or weeks of sports playoffs and practices where the kids are center stage, our marriage will simmer a bit. But we don’t have leave it on the back of the stove (or worse – in the freezer!) for long. Time spent with our husbands is always time well spent for everyone – ourselves, our spouses, our kids, our bosses and our coworkers.