How to Talk Trash While You Are Playing Spades

Talking trash is as much a part of the game of spades as putting players out of the game is a part of Monopoly. The thing is you have to know when to be creative and when to be downright vulgar. Here are some tips to help you distinguish the difference.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A deck of cards
• A hand dealt to you.
• Friends to play spades with
• Good communication skills with your spades partner.

1. The spades game has gotten to a crucial point and someone on the opposing team is trying to rub it in that they are winning.
2. Your response will be either “Are you ready for this a** whipping tonight?!”
3. You might also try being obnoxious for instance:
   “Are you ready for some spa-aaay-des?!” (You have to say this like they say “Are you ready for some football?!” and drag out the spades word.)
4. If your partner feels that he is doing all the work tell your partner that,
   “I can show you about my four books so I will keep them here on this side of the table and place your books over there so we know who got what.”
5. You have to use literary and old silent films movies imagery if you are a team of women and the opposing team is all male. If you are on the last hand of the game and you and your partner are going for 8 books and the other team is going for 4 books and it looks like they won’t even make that say, “This is just the ceremonial last hand guys. We ladies have you fellas down on your knees with your hands tied behind your back and we are standing behind you about to pull the trigger.” Then play all the books out, win the game and make the other team have to “rise and fly” or get up from the table.

Tips & Warnings

• Do not be offended if there is a lot of cursing or anger towards you especially if you have been a “doormat” in the game all this time and have been taking other people’s barbs as you play spades.
• Stand up for yourself it’s always worth it.
• If you have an IBM compatible computer with the game solitaire on it play that in your spare time for at least 20 minutes a day. The solitaire game will definitely improve your spades game as you know the level and order of the cards.
• You may be cursed out if the person’s ego was ripped up too badly. Just walk out if the attacks become personal. You were only trying to talk a little trash to make the game more interesting.