How to Share Household Duties in a Marriage

Division of labor is a tough topic in almost every possible kind of organization. The daily division of household labor between spouses is a challenge with a personality all its own; all sorts of subtle details come into play and tension can build in no time at all. See the steps below for hints and experiment with different methods of dividing up household duties to see what works with your marriage.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Together, make a list of all household duties. List them in some detail, marking each duty with a frequency designation of some kind: daily, weekly, monthly, as needed, annually, etc. The more detail in each description, the better as all the detail prevents misunderstanding later.
2. Determine if any of the duties or chores are actually enjoyable by either party. If so, distribute enjoyable tasks fairly. Perhaps, each party can take turns choosing the one he or she most enjoys and receives the most satisfaction. Place an initial or name next to each chore on the list.
3. Examine the rest of the list together. Discuss the tasks left over and talk about each one in terms of time required, energy used, hassle managed, etc. Make notes as each point is resolved but only when both parties agree on the description of the duty.
4. Once all of the information is laid out on the list, take turns choosing the less enjoyable chores. This way, each person feels a measure of ownership as he or she has deliberately selected the chore independently. The taking of turns ensures that no one person gets stuck or feels stuck with a crummy duty.
5. Discuss what should happen if one party neglects his or her chores. Should there be a consequence? If so, what is it? A cash penalty? A forfeited dessert? Taking over spouse's duty in addition to own duties? Plan ahead for this situation as it is inevitable. After a long day, no one wants to do unpleasant tasks at home.
6. Re-write list in chart form. Include columns labeled: Name, Duty, Frequency, Materials Needed. Refer to the list as needed. Transfer all items in Materials Needed column to grocery list weekly if not daily. Follow chart as best as you both can.