How to Tell Whether You Are Ready to Adopt a Child
Making the decision to adopt a child can be daunting. It involves making the commitment to raise a "stranger's child" and to deal with issues specific to adoption that most parents do not have to worry about. You might be drawn toward adopting a child but not be quite sure about whether you are ready to do so. Here is how to tell whether you are ready to adopt a child.
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Instructions
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Write down the reasons why you want to adopt a child. List every reason that you have, even the reasons that you might not share with other people.
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Examine the reasons that you listed. Did you include that you want to adopt a child because you have the strong desire to parent a child? That is the most important reason of all. If you do not have a strong desire to parent a child, then you are not yet ready to adopt a child.
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Think about how much a biological connection matters to you. Your adopted child will (obviously) not share your DNA. How much does that matter to you? Is it important that your child look like you and/or your spouse? An adopted child might not look a thing like you, have the same intelligence level or have the same interests. If you do not believe that you can love a child who is different from you, then you are not yet ready to adopt a child.
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Review your financial situation. Unless you plan to adopt out of foster care, which is free, you are going to need to be able to pay a large (most likely five-figure) adoption fee in order to adopt a child. Can you afford this? If you cannot afford to pay the adoption fee and still have the ability to support the adopted child financially, then you are not yet ready to adopt a child.
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Consider how your extended family will react to an adoption. While some people are wildly supportive of adoption, others are not. If you have relatives who will treat your adopted child poorly, then you will need to decide how you will protect an adopted child from this rejection. If you are not ready to deal with unsupportive family members' negative opinions, then you are not yet ready to adopt a child.
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Ponder whether your marriage is secure. If you are married, how solid is your marriage? The adoption process is grueling and can take its toll on even the best of marriages. An adopted child has already experienced loss in being placed for adoption by "losing" his connection with his biological family. Make sure he is unlikely to lose an adoptive parent in the near future as well. If your marriage is not stable, then you are not yet ready to adopt a child.
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Research adoption-related issues. Adoptive parents have to work through many issues that biological families do not face. For example, they must be prepared to explain adoption to the adopted child as well as family and friends. They must decide how much, if any, contact to have with the adopted child's birth mother after the adoption is finalized. Adoptive parents must help their adopted child come to terms with being "unchosen" by a birth mother and then "chosen" by adoptive parents. If you do not feel capable of handling adoption-related issues, then you are not yet ready to adopt.
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Tips & Warnings
Just because you are not yet ready to adopt a child today does not mean that you will never be ready.
The cost of an adoption can be offset in part through the adoption tax credit. Be sure to look into the adoption tax credit when you are figuring out how to afford to adopt a child.
Do not adopt a child unless you are certain that you can embrace the adopted child as "your child." Every child deserves to be a beloved member of the family in his own home.
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- Photo Credit (c) Lynda Bernhardt
