How to Close a Semi-Open Adoption
Sometimes it becomes necessary to close a semi-open adoption. If continued contact, even through pictures and letters, is harmful to your adopted child, then you will need to close a semi-open adoption to protect your his best interests. However, the decision to close a semi-open adoption should never be taken lightly because a birth mother entered into the adoption based upon your promise to keep the adoption semi-open. Here is how to close a semi-open adoption.
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Instructions
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List your reasons for wanting to close a semi-open adoption. Write down all of the reasons why you believe that closing the semi-open adoption is the best choice.
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Examine your reasons for closing the semi-open adoption. Determine whether closing the semi-open adoption is really necessary. You promised the birth mother that you would provide her with some form of contact after the adoption was finalized, so make sure that your reasons justify breaking this promise.
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Consider whether an alternative is possible. For example, if your child's birth mother is self-destructing and this is coming through in the letters she sends, consider continuing to provide her with the information you promised but decline to receive packages from her. If it is possible to keep the adoption semi-open but change the terms in a way that meets your family's needs, then choose that option over closing the semi-open adoption altogether.
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Discuss your plans with the intermediary. Semi-open adoptions generally include an intermediary who is responsible for forwarding the packages between the birth mother and adoptive family. Tell the intermediary that you plan to close the semi-open adoption and why.
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Write a letter to your child's birth mother. Let your child's birth mother know why you are closing the semi-open adoption. If you are closing the semi-open adoption in reaction to something that she has done, let her know what she can do to earn back your trust.
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Cease further communication. Once you stop sending packages to or receiving packages from your child's birth mother, the semi-open adoption becomes a closed adoption.
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Explain your decision to your adopted child. At some point, your adopted child is likely to have questions about why you are no longer in contact with her birth mother. Explain your reasons in an age-appropriate manner.
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Tips & Warnings
Consider continuing to compile the packages on a regular basis but keep them in your house. In that way, if you choose to resume contact with your child's birth mother in the future, you will have packages to share with him.
Be prepared to explain to your adopted child why you chose to close the semi-open adoption. Your adopted child will likely feel some sort of connection with her birth mother and will want to know why you made this choice. If you do not have a good answer, your decision to close a semi-open adoption could negatively affect your relationship with your adopted child.
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- Photo Credit (c) Lynda Bernhardt
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Comments
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anyone can ring your doorbell. if they are a threat than that is what no trespass orders are for. Don't adopt if you have no intention of honoring the bmother's wishes. Don't try to justify your actions. You would not be a parent if It were not for the Bmother.
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Donna Haggerty
Dec 22, 2010
What would you do if the birth mother showed up at the child homecoming dance, drunk, "dirty danced" with the teenage kids, lifting her shirt up, and exposing herself to the students, biting a girl she is dancing with, and then when the police come, the police find pot in her purse, with a pipe. Would you close the adoption then? -
xcammiex
Oct 18, 2008
I agree with MaryPRyan. People that close open/semi-open adoptions because they didn't like what the first mother said or some other trivial thing, in my opinion, should be charged with fraud. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but you can't imagine all the emotions that go with relinquishment so to renege on something you promised and is probably part of the reason the first mother chose you as a family is unethical. I've spoken to many adoptees and they've said if their parents had closed an open/semi-open adoption, they would feel betrayed by them (obviously barring physical/emotional abuse from first mother)
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MaryPRyan
Sep 17, 2008
Unless the birth mother is a physical threat to the child you both love, a semi-open adoption should never be closed. It's about the kids!
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MaryPRyan
Sep 17, 2008
Unless the birth mother is a physical threat to the child you both love, a semi-open adoption should never be closed. It's about the kids!
